Oh my fucking God.
I start to shoot to my feet.
He tugs me back onto the bench with a deep chuckle. “Chill, Sabrina. I’m not saying I’m in love with you.”
He’d better not be! Taking a calming breath, I set my half-eaten sandwich on my lap and try to muster up a tone that doesn’t convey the scared-shitless feeling racing through me. “Then what are you saying?”
“I’d seen you around campus before the night at Malone’s,” he admits. “And yeah, I thought you were hot, but it’s not like I was desperate to find out who you were.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Make up your mind, darlin’。 Do you want me to be infatuated with you, or do you want me to not give a shit?”
Both! I want both, and that’s the problem, damn it.
“Anyway, I’d seen you before. But the night at the bar, when we made eye contact from across the room? Something magical happened,” he says bluntly. “I know you felt it too.”
I pick up my sandwich and take a small bite, chewing extra slow in order to delay having to respond. He’s freaking me out again, with his confident gaze and his matter-of-fact tone. I’ve never met a guy who can throw out phrases like “love at first sight” and “something magical happened” without at least having the decency to blush or look mortified.
Finally, I force myself to answer him. “The only magical thing that happened was that we liked what we saw. Pheromones, Tucker. Nothing more.”
“That was part of it,” he agrees. “But there was more to it than that, and you know it. There was a connection the moment we looked at each other.”
I raise my Diet Coke to my lips and chug nearly half of it.
“I want to explore it. I think we’d be stupid not to.”
“And I think…” I struggle for words. “I think…”
I think you’re the most fascinating guy I’ve ever met.
I think you’re amazing in bed and I want to fuck you again.
I think if I was capable of having my heart broken, you’d have the power to break it.
“I think I made myself clear that night,” I finish. “I’m not in the market for a relationship, or even a fuck buddy. I wanted sex. You gave it to me. That’s all it was.”
I don’t miss the disappointment that floods his eyes. It brings a pang of regret and makes my stomach twist painfully, but I’ve already set this course and now I need to see it through. I’m very good at staying the course.
“I know you athletes are stubborn as hell and that you don’t give up when you want something, but…” I take a breath. “I’m asking you to give up.”
His jaw tightens. “Sabrina—”
“Please.” I cringe at the desperate note in my voice. “Just give up, all right? I don’t want to start anything up. I don’t want to go on a date. I want…” I rise on wobbly legs. “I want to get to class, that’s all.”
After an interminably long silence, he gets up too. “Sure, darlin’。 If that’s what you want.”
It’s not a taunt, nor does it contain even a hint of promise, as in sure, darlin’， I’ll give up—for now. But expect me to keep chasing you until I wear you down.
No, there’s a finality to his words that makes me sad. John Tucker is clearly a man of his word, and while I ought to admire that, I’ve suddenly become a hypocrite, because now I’m the one feeling disappointed.
“I’ll see you around,” he says gruffly.
And then he strides off without another word, leaving me to stare after him in dismay.
I did the right thing. I know I did. Even if I had oodles of free time to pursue something with him, there’s no room in my life for someone like Tucker. He’s sweet and earnest and clearly has money, whereas I’m bitchy and stressed and live in the gutter. He can talk all he wants about connections at first sight, but that doesn’t change the reality of this.
I’m not the girl for John Tucker, and I never will be.
6
Tucker
Practice is shit. The team’s just not clicking this season, and Coach Jensen is riding us mercilessly now that we’ve got a few losses tarnishing our record. Yesterday’s loss bummed us out pretty hard—we were up against a Division II team who should not have wiped our asses all over the ice like that.
The new defensive coach, Frank O’Shea, is only making things worse. I’ve been thanking my lucky stars that I’m not a defenseman. O’Shea seems to have a vendetta against Dean, constantly calling him out and harping on his mistakes.