That still wasn’t anything like an inducement, of course. I very much didn’t want to fight a maw-mouth. I’d have done it to save Orion, but that didn’t mean I was ready to make a regular job of it. Everyone’s afraid of being devoured by a maw-mouth, but I’m afraid of it on a much more intimate and specific level. As far as I know, I’m only the second wizard alive who’s ever survived the experience, and the other one’s the Dominus of Shanghai.
But—I had in fact survived, and the maw-mouth hadn’t. I’m completely alone in the distinction of having killed one of them all by myself. Even the legendary Krakow incident of dubious historicity involved a circle of seven, and the purge of Shanghai had required more than forty wizards all told, building mana together for the attempt. And in fact, I’d killed two maw-mouths. A second very small one had come into the school during graduation, lured in by our honeypot trap—and Liesel had seen me destroy it. And that was why she was here to recruit me to come and help.
So it wasn’t an inducement, but it was movement: a hard shove out of the rut I was sitting in. “Well, that’s a magnificent offer,” I said, trying to fend her off. “It’s just what I’ve wanted, to risk my life fighting a maw-mouth for the London enclave. Why exactly did the council think I’d agree?”
“We didn’t ask their opinion. You think there was time to talk it over?” Liesel said. “We came for you ourselves.”
“Who’s we?”
“Alfie and Sarah are down there. I told them to wait.” Liesel waved a hand irritably in the direction of the rest of the commune. “What difference does it make? Do you want a signed contract for payment? You wouldn’t take anything before. Are you going to be a hermit your whole life just because Lake is dead? Grow up! Someone’s tearing down the enclaves of the world, there’s a maw-mouth about to devour London. This is no time for you to sit around crying. He wouldn’t.”
I stood up in outrage—I didn’t whack myself on the roof struts again, but it was a near thing—but Liesel just folded her arms and stared me in the face and didn’t give an inch. Vicious and brilliant as usual, because I couldn’t even argue. Orion would absolutely have sailed off to help, if he’d been alive to do it. And he might have been—if I’d done something different, if I hadn’t panicked and tried to get him just to run away, the last time a maw-mouth had shown up for me to fight.
I didn’t actually say anything to Liesel. She was right, but I could still with great pleasure have slapped her. Anyway, she recognized that she’d won; she gave a short nod and turned and went out of the yurt to wait for me.
I stood there for a moment alone with the irregular dripping. I turned and stared down at the sutras on the bed, the cover a satiny gleaming in the dim light. I bent down and picked them up and carefully packed them into their book chest and stood with it a moment, holding it in my hands. They had ridden me all the way here, back to the summoner, only Mum wasn’t going to be able to do anything with them. They weren’t healing spells. The final incantation needed so much mana capacity I didn’t actually see how it could even be cast by anyone who wasn’t me.
Was I going to do anything with them? I didn’t know anymore, but it clearly didn’t make sense for me to take them to London for a fight. In fact, that was a selfish incentive to go. At least it saved me having to decide right away.
“I’m going to leave you with Mum,” I said. I’d got used to talking to them. “I know she’ll look after you for me until I get back.”
Ordinarily I’d have said a lot more—I’d have fretted and told them how sorry I was to leave them for even a minute, rambled out some plans for them, anything to encourage them to stay. I couldn’t do it this time. If they vanished on me, that would save me the trouble of deciding. I didn’t want that to happen, but only just enough to do what I was doing. I touched the cover once more, then I closed the lid on them, and carried them over to the table and left them there, safely out of the rain.
Then I wrote Mum a note on a scrap of paper: London enclave’s in trouble, I’ve gone to help. I almost left it at that. I couldn’t help thinking that it would have been a decent revenge for Keep far away from Orion Lake. It still hurt like knives to think of him gone with no one missing him, the person and not the power, except me alone. What I really wanted even more was to write her a long juvenile screed telling her off for having judged Orion after what she’d done herself: I could bundle all my miseries up together and heave them out onto the page in one steaming mess.