“He can be loving and compassionate.”
“But I can see he’s difficult.”
“I’m so glad! Sometimes I think I’m crazy. My friends only see the good.”
“Why are you still with him?”
“I love him.”
“Do you? What if I told you that most couples that show up here aren’t able to be honest with each other? They bat around the truth like a cat with a tinfoil ball, sometimes for years. The truth is what makes the difference between them and you and Paolo. He came straight home and told you what he had done.”
“What difference does it make that he told me about it instead of catching him?”
“A lot. He knew he did wrong. Paolo examined his conscience. He begged forgiveness and promises to change. That’s about the best you can expect from another human being in any situation. Ever.”
“How about he doesn’t do stupid things in the first place?”
“That wouldn’t work for me. It would put me out of business.”
Anina laughed. “You’re the worst, Don Vincenzo.”
“I know. That’s why I don’t get the fancy assignments. I’m the quick-fix priest, the bubble gum they stuff in the holes of a boat about to capsize, hoping it won’t sink.”
“I’m sorry, Don Vincenzo. You have a lot of pressure on you.”
“And so do you. And so does every person who tries to love. That’s my point. But that’s also the job. You want to be a wife? Get ready to work like a farmer. When you’ve solved one dilemma, here comes a new set of problems. When you’re serious about love, you’ve got to be just as serious in your commitment to work at it. No running away. No moving out. No disappearing. It wouldn’t help anyway. You can’t outrun your pain because it can be as stubborn as love.”
“Should I marry Paolo?”
“Only if you expect the worst. A wise woman once said that the bride should wear black and the widow white. The bride mourns the loss of hope and the widow is finally free of the pain.”
“I can’t get the picture of what he did out of my mind.”
“The memory is often the monster, not the transgression itself. Being unfaithful is not a part of love or a rejection of it—it’s a lack of will. I’m sure you have experienced a lack of will in your own life.”
“I have.”
“So then you know what he did was a failure of his will, but not of his love.” Don Vincenzo got up and went to his desk drawer, where he punched a tablet of Nicorette gum off the sleeve and popped it into his mouth. He chewed. “What do you want out of life, Anina?”
“I wanted to get married and have a family with the man I love.”
“It’s a job.”
“I guess it is, Padre.”
“It’s a tough job if you don’t know who you are. A mother is not just a loving presence in a family who cooks and cleans up and comforts the children. She sets the example and teaches the family, including her husband, how to love. She has to know herself. If she doesn’t, she’s going to look to the people she loves to fill her up. That’s a terrible burden to put on your husband and children. A job, on the other hand, can soak up a lot of the ambition and ego we have so we are free to love once we get home. Look at it like the heel of the bread that soaks up the sauce at the end of the meal. You take the last bite and the plate is clean. Has Paolo gotten a job?”
“Not yet.”
“And you?”
“I’m going to fill in at Cabrelli’s for the manager when she goes on maternity leave.”
“Hmm.” The priest folded his arms across his chest.
“Did Paolo cheat on me because he doesn’t have a job?”
“I don’t know.” Don Vincenzo looked at her. “Do you think he kissed another woman because you don’t have job?”
“I don’t know.” Anina was confused. “What does my job have to do with anything?”
“When you find your purpose in life, it changes you. You see things differently. More clearly. You love more and better. You solve problems and are able to help others solve theirs because you stand in strength. You live in the whole world, not in your small corner of it. You serve.”
Don Vincenzo moved to the door to bring Paolo back into his office. Anina, who hoped to leave Don Vincenzo’s office with an answer, had found it. No one would be more surprised than Anina when she decided to follow her heart.
CHAPTER 25