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The Guilt Trip(30)

Author:Sandie Jones

“What the hell happened out there?” shouts Will, getting up to face Jack. “I told you not to drift. I told you to stay close to me.”

“We didn’t realize…” starts Jack.

“There’s no we in this,” argues Will. “You know what to do. He’s the rookie.”

“Noah!” calls Paige. “Noah, darling, can you hear me?”

“Did he get taken out by his surfboard?” asks Ali.

“It looks like it,” says Will.

Noah opens his eyes and tries to sit up. “Oh, thank God,” cries Paige.

“I…” Noah coughs, looking around him in confusion. “I’m okay.”

Rachel’s heart feels as if it’s about to burst out of her chest and she can’t stop a tear-stained grin from spreading across her face.

“He’s going to be okay,” says Paige.

Every muscle in Will’s body visibly relaxes as the tension seeps out of him. “What did I tell you about eating too much bread?” he says, attempting to laugh.

“Should we cancel the rehearsal dinner tonight?” asks Ali.

Paige looks at Rachel and blows out her cheeks, but she doesn’t know if it’s a reaction to Ali’s insensitivity or Noah’s very near miss.

6

“Is he okay?” Rachel asks Paige when she comes out to the pool after settling Noah down for a rest.

Jack and Will have gone to see their parents who have arrived at the hotel down the road, and, not one to let Noah’s near-death experience throw her off track, Ali’s getting her nails done.

“Yes, he’s just exhausted,” says Paige. “I’ll let him sleep for as long as he wants to and if he’s not up to going out tonight, we won’t go.”

Rachel wishes she could volunteer to stay here with Noah, but knows that it would look odd.

“Well, that certainly brings home the fragility of life, doesn’t it?” she says.

Paige nods. “It certainly does. I honestly thought it was touch and go for a minute.”

Rachel feels the pull of tears at the back of her throat as she pictures Noah’s lifeless body being hauled out of the water. She goes to speak, but she doesn’t trust her voice.

“It’s funny what goes through your mind at times like that, isn’t it?” continues Paige.

Rachel offers a tight smile.

“It’s as if your brain goes into overdrive, questioning your whole existence. I found myself doing a deal with God that if he would just save him, I’d throw everything I have into our marriage.”

Rachel can’t help but narrow her eyes. “I thought you already were.” She looks at her questioningly.

Paige sighs. “I think if Noah and I were both honest with each other, we’d admit that neither of us have been putting enough effort in lately.”

“I had no idea,” says Rachel, taken aback. “I thought you were happy.”

“We are,” says Paige. “But it feels as if we’re just bobbing along, waiting for something bigger to happen. We could go on like that until our dying days, but is that really enough? Do we not both deserve more?”

“So, are you saying you’d consider leaving him?” asks Rachel incredulously.

“I’ve thought about it,” admits Paige. “But seeing him like that today made me reevaluate. Maybe bobbing along is good enough. Maybe I’m looking for something that doesn’t exist.” She laughs. “I even found myself bargaining with our maker that I’d happily let Noah do whatever he wants to do, just so long as he keeps him alive.”

“What? Like an affair or something,” asks Rachel, dumbfounded.

Paige nods. “I can’t imagine that feeling will last long, mind, but right now, I’d give my permission for anything.”

This is so out of character for Paige that Rachel wonders if it isn’t her who’s had a knock to the head.

“I used to think I’d put his balls in a vise and squeeze very hard if I found out he was seeing someone else,” she goes on. “But it doesn’t seem quite as big a deal anymore.”

Rachel shakes her head and smiles. “I can assure you, this all-new, all-accepting Paige is not going to last the day.”

Paige shrugs. “Maybe not, but perhaps this is the wake-up call we all needed.”

“All?” questions Rachel, panicking that Paige can somehow see within her soul, to where the thought of losing Noah had left its impression. Can she see the emptiness he would have left behind? The void that could never be filled? Can she see that her heart has a crack in it, only superficially filled once she knew he was going to be okay?

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