I’ve been here for the past two days, and Da has yet to speak to me. They went to an appointment yesterday, which I wasn’t allowed to attend, and came back looking more sullen than before. My easy guess: it wasn’t good news.
“Oh, you want to be honest? That’s refreshing,” I deadpan.
Maw sighs. “I suppose I deserve that.”
I plow my hand through my hair, sticking it up on all ends. “What the hell were you thinking, not telling me?” I whisper-shout so Da can’t hear me. “I might not have the best relationship with Da, but that doesn’t give you two the right to keep me in the dark about his health.”
“I understand.” Maw shifts uncomfortably. “You know I love you, Rowan, but I’ve spent the last few years of my life trying to mend the relationship between you and your father, attempting to be the peacemaker. I’m tired. I’m tired of the bickering, of seeing the two men left in my life go at each other every time they’re in the same room. It’s exhausting.” She wipes under her eye, and my heart lurches. I hate seeing my maw this distraught. “I know you want to be here, but I don’t think I can handle any more rows. It might be best if you leave.”
“Leave? You really think I’m going to leave? When I just found out my da’s dying? I’m not going anywhere.”
“Rowan, he doesn’t want you here. It might put more stress on him.”
“Well, that’s too fucking bad.”
My phone buzzes on the table, and before I can hide the name on the screen, Maw catches it.
“Is that Bonnie?”
“Seems so.” I stuff the phone in my pocket.
“You know, Shona was telling me you two are an item.”
“Shona needs to learn to mind her own business.”
“Did something happen?”
“Doesn’t matter.” I stand from my chair and pace the living room. “What did the doctor say yesterday?”
“Rowan, the last thing I want to focus on right now is your father’s health; I want to forget—”
“You can’t forget it, Maw. Just like you can’t forget about the fact that Callum died. Or that the coffee shop is dying, or that you’re spending your savings living here. You can’t just brush your problems under the rug, hoping they’ll disappear. This is life, and you have to face it. You have to deal with it, whether you want to or not. That’s why I’m here. Even though you neglected to tell me anything until a few days ago, I’m here because you are my family, what’s left of it, and I’ll be damned if I’m left out. I don’t want to be the goddamn black sheep anymore.”
“Then you shouldn’t have wanted to leave this family years ago.” Da’s weak voice cuts through the living room. He shuffles in, using a cane, his body deteriorating faster than I ever expected. Maw quickly goes to him and helps him into a chair.
She strokes his cheek lovingly, pain evident in her eyes. “Can I get you anything?”
“Water, darling.”
Maw goes to get it, but I stop her and nod toward the chair next to Da and get the water myself. The air needs to be cleared. We can’t go on like this anymore. It’s not only hurting my relationship with Da, but it’s hurting Maw too. And I’m seeing it. The exhaustion in her eyes, the weariness in her voice. Her husband is sick, and that’s enough to worry about.
Fuck, am I really going to do this?
I glance over my shoulder to where my parents sit, holding hands.
A loving couple I grew up watching, admiring. There’s a light smile on my da’s lips as he looks at Maw. I remember when he used to smile at me. Those days spent in the kitchen, when he was proud of what I could do once he’d taught me the MacGregor way.
Where did that all go?
And why the hell has it been gone for so long?
Time to find out.
I bring two glasses of water over for my parents and set them down on the side table between them.
Once they’ve both taken a sip, I clear my throat. “I never wanted to leave the family. I wanted a chance to explore, the chance to create something of my own, like you created with the coffee shop.” I look my da in the eyes. “It was never about the family, Da. It was about me trying to prove my worth.”
“Your worth was with this family, with Corsekelly. But we weren’t good enough for you.”
“I wasn’t good enough for you,” I admit, slapping my hand to my chest. “I wasn’t good enough for the town. Everyone had something. Callum was the baker—he took after you, Da. Leith and Lachlan were bound and determined to make something of themselves with personal training, and they have. Isla has built the bakeshop to a huge success, winning awards all over the country. My friends and family were all doing something, and I wanted to do the same. I wanted something of my own, something to make you proud.” I grip my forehead, trying not to get emotional over all this. “All I ever wanted was for you to look at me and my gift the way you looked at Callum, with unconditional pride and love.”