“Your job doesn’t define you as a person, Bonnie.”
“But it gives you purpose. I haven’t felt purpose in a while, not since . . . hell, I don’t think I’ve ever felt purpose. I haven’t felt genuinely needed. Even with Harry, he never truly needed me. And I know I didn’t need him, but that breakup was painful because it was another blow to my self-esteem, another thing that made me wonder if maybe . . . maybe I’m not important enough.”
“Stop it,” Dakota says, reaching over and taking my hand. “You’re important to me. Ever since you helped me take down Tijuana and Theresa on the handball court.” I snort. “I’m serious, though, Bonnie. You are very important. I need you. If it weren’t for you, I don’t know how I would have made it through my breakup with Isabella. And even before that, you were . . . you are my other half. We complete each other, and you might not feel important, but you are vastly important to me.”
And that does it to me. My tears spill over, and I let out a low sob. Dakota scoots closer as she wraps her arm around my shoulders and squeezes tight.
“Do you realize how valuable you are to me?” Dakota asks as I try to gain control of my emotions. “Like I said, I never would have made it through my breakup with Isabella without you. You have been my confidante, my rock, my laughter, my entertainment. I don’t just choose you as a best friend because you’ve been in my life for what seems like forever—I choose you because I rely on you, because I need you . . . I always have.”
And cue more tears.
Damn it, Dakota.
“You know I value our friendship, right?” I ask, wiping away my tears.
“I know.”
“It’s also gotten me through all the tough times, and I’m proud we’ve made it through all the ups and downs.”
“But . . . ?” Dakota says with a chuckle.
“It doesn’t feel like enough, and I don’t want that to sound mean—”
“I understand what you’re trying to say. You need more in your life. There’s purpose behind our friendship, but you want that individual purpose too. You want to feel like you’re accomplishing something.”
“Exactly. And I have no idea what that is. I thought moving to Los Angeles and working closely with celebrities would spark something within me, but looking back over those years, nothing grabbed me, nothing made me feel excited. And the personal-assistant jobs I had weren’t all mundane tasks—I did do some fun things, but those small moments never amounted to what I thought I wanted to do.”
“Event planning?” Dakota asks.
I nod. “Yeah, even thinking about it now . . . do I really want to throw parties? Or was I just good at attending them in high school?”
“You were the life of the party,” Dakota says with a smirk when I glance at her.
“And look where that got me.” I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around my shins. “By now, people our age at least have a direction they want to take their life. I’m still lost.”
“Not true. They might have adult jobs and degrees, but a lot of people our age aren’t really doing what they want to do. They’re working to pay the bills. You have a unique opportunity to truly reflect and figure out who you want to become.”
“I don’t know where to start,” I say. “My self-worth is pretty low. I know I’ve tried to laugh everything off, make jokes about my situation, but after just a day here, I already see that our fast-paced life was a distraction. We’re surrounded by peace and beauty, and all it’s doing is bringing all my fears to the forefront of my mind. What if I truly never amount to anything? What if I never live up to my full potential?”
Dakota shifts on her rock while picking a piece of lint off her pants. She’s taking her time responding. Dakota is always thoughtful and insightful. She doesn’t spew nonsense, and when she has to be real with me, she is. There is no fluff in our friendship, just pure love for each other, and honesty.
“What would you define as a successful life? Does a job really matter that much to you? Is that how you think you’re going to find purpose?”
“It will give me something to strive for, something to challenge me.”
She slowly nods. “You know, sometimes I think we get caught up in the idea that our jobs make or break us as humans, when that’s not the case at all. A job is a means to make money and provide for yourself. I think it’s the relationships we cultivate, the energy we put out into the world, that define us. You could be a billionaire with all the riches in the world, but that wouldn’t mean your life was truly rich. I think we’re both lucky, because we have each other—a true friendship that has stood the test of time, especially through the teenager hormone years.” We both chuckle. “We’re an example of women lifting each other up, and to me, that’s powerful.”