“Fallon,” she said, shaking her head, her heart bursting with pain. He couldn’t be hers, no matter how much she wanted him. No, she could never forget that her mother had seen her wed someone else in her vision. Trynne had made an oath to follow the Fountain’s will.
“Trynne, I failed to protect you that night. I went off in search of pies! You don’t know . . . you cannot know how much I have regretted that choice to leave you alone. If only I had been less selfish. If I had been with you, perhaps I could have thwarted his attack.”
“I don’t think so,” she said.
“Would you be quiet a moment?” he said, growing a little exasperated. He took her hands in his warm, inviting grip, and the desire to let him hold her, to let him speak, warred with the certainty that this could not be. “Now your father is gone. Some whisper he is dead. Others say he betrayed us, which we both know is an utter falsehood. But he was the most powerful lord of Ceredigion. He was your chief protector. Your father. You are now the Lady of Averanche. With your father gone, you are an even more valuable heiress. There are many men, even those as dense as a brick like Elwis, who will overlook your childhood injury now and seek you out as a bride. Trynne, your smile has never bothered me. In fact, I think it makes you especially lovely. What I’m trying to say, and mussing up badly, is that I’ve always seen myself as your protector. I had thought to wait until we were both a little older and on my part, at least, more mature—you’ve already surpassed me there—but what happened to your father has hastened the intent I’ve always had.”
His eyes burned into hers. “I want to be yours, Tryneowy Kiskaddon. And I want you always to be mine. Let there be no confusion between us. No more secrets. I hereby plight you my troth.”
Her mouth was so dry she felt like choking. Her heart buzzed with a thousand giddy emotions. Yet her head felt doubt, insecurity, and worry. She closed her eyes, wishing briefly that perhaps this was only a vision, a dream—a nightmare to be awakened from. Part of her had instinctively felt that he was just rash enough to promise to marry her. It flattered her immensely. There was a large part of her that still yearned to say yes. Her heart wanted her to. But her head prevailed. She knew she could not.
When she opened her eyes, she felt she was breathing too fast. It would hurt them both, but it needed to be said.
“I cannot marry you, Fallon Llewellyn,” she said in a strong, clear voice.
His eyes, so eager and hopeful, blinked with shock. “What?” he asked with a confused chuckle.
She shook her head no resolutely, feeling the ripping tugs on her heart even more. “I should have left earlier,” she said with a half-choking sigh. “I cannot marry you.”
The transformation of his face showed she had caught him utterly off guard. That he had been expecting a positive response.
“Oh, Fallon . . . you have always been the most impetuous, exasperating young man I know! Why speak of love now, when the kingdom is so fragile? I cannot think about love yet. I don’t want to think about love yet.” She struggled to find the right words. “I just wanted to go on as we’ve always been, as dear, dear friends.”
“And that is all I am to you? A friend?” His tone showed his disbelief.
“Fallon, this isn’t the time—”
“This absolutely is the time! I love you, Trynne. Can I speak it any plainer? Do you not care for me as well?”
He had taken things too far, like a boat rushing down the current toward the falls. There was no going back now. She knew from her mother’s vision that she wouldn’t marry him. She wanted to stop the wreckage she knew was coming.
Her cheeks were so hot. “You have been a dear friend to me, but I cannot marry you.”
He gripped both of her arms, not threateningly, but as if he were drowning in misery. “Do you love me . . . or not? Is there someone else you care for instead? Tell me the truth, Trynne. I must know, or I cannot bear it. Tell me!”
Trynne didn’t want to tell him, knowing it would break not only her heart but his as well. But all his masks had been stripped away, at least in that moment. The cocoon began to rip and tear. The secret wriggled free.
She hung her head. “Yes,” she whispered, her voice thick with tears. “Yes, I love you, Fallon. I always have. But please don’t make me say that again. I love you so much it causes me pain because I can’t be with you the way I desire to!” She looked into his eyes then, pleading with him to understand and believe her. “My mother had a vision about my marriage. And it was not with you. I have been tormented by that vision ever since she shared it with me. My heart has been breaking since then, and it has not stopped. Even now, my heart doesn’t want to accept it, but I have seen time and time again the truth of my mother’s visions. They come from the Fountain. And as hard as it has been for me personally, I know I must follow it.”