Cass stared out at the river. “Holland Creedmore. Fucking Holland Creedmore Junior. I can’t stand hearing his name. Hattie, I think he did it. I think he killed her. Jesus! What was I thinking?”
“Wait. Slow down. What are you talking about?”
“In high school. Sophomore year. I … hooked up with him.” She turned and looked at Hattie, who gazed back in shock. “And I knew he was hooking up with her, too.”
“How?” was all Hattie could manage.
“I went to a pep rally, with Sophie Dorman, and a friend of hers who went to Country Day School. Sarabeth something. I’ve blocked her last name. Sarabeth had a car, and said we should go to a party after, because all these hot guys would be there. It was like the second week of school.”
“You went to a hot-guy party without me?” Hattie joked. “Now I really do hate you.”
“The party was at some rich kid’s house at Isle of Hope. The parents were out of town. They had a bottle of Captain Morgan rum.…”
“Oh God.” Hattie felt sick. “I think I know where this is going.”
“Sophie freaked out and called her brother to come pick her up. Lucky her. But I wanted to play it cool, so I decided to stay. I drank some rum and Coke, and this cute blond guy started talking to me.…”
“Holland fucking Creedmore,” Hattie said.
“Yeah. I mean, he was the biggest stud at Cardinal Mooney. A senior, star football player. And here he was, talking to a lowly sophomore like me. Flirting with me. He had his own flask of J?germeister, and pretty soon, we were sitting in his car…”
Hattie clutched Cass’s hand. “Cass. Don’t tell me he raped you.”
“No.” Cass shook her head violently. “He was a perfect gentleman. At first. Told me he’d noticed me from across the room. Liked my outfit. He had a can of Coke, and we were mixing it with the J?ger. I remember thinking nobody would believe it. Me, flirting and cutting up with Holland Creedmore. I kept drinking, and I felt dizzy, and I remember thinking, I’m dizzy with love!”
“More like drunk on J?germeister. And Captain Morgan.” Hattie shuddered.
“Yeah, but what did I know? I was fifteen and had never had anything stronger than communion wine,” Cass said. “It got kinda late, and I guess I was sober enough to worry about how I was gonna get home, because Sarabeth whatever-her-name-was had disappeared. Holland said it was no problem. He’d give me a ride home.”
Cass sniffled and wiped her nose again. “You can pretty much guess the rest. On the way home, he pulled into the parking lot at Daffin Park. He started kissing me … and touching me. And he wanted me to touch him. Said he’d never been with a Black girl, and all his friends said Black girls were the hottest…”
“Dear God,” Hattie whispered.
“I wouldn’t let him do everything he wanted, only because I was terrified I’d get pregnant,” Cass said bitterly. “Afterwards, he told me I was beautiful and special … all the usual bullshit. The next morning, I felt so dirty, so ashamed. I would rather have died than let on to you. But then, a couple weeks later, he called me. I hadn’t even given him my phone number, but he said he got it from Sarabeth. He wanted to take me to a movie. Me!”
“You weren’t allowed to date when we were sophomores,” Hattie said.
“Oh hell no, Zenobia wouldn’t have let me go out on a date. Especially with a white boy like Holland Creedmore.” She shrugged. “I told her I was going to Sophie’s house to study. He picked me up there. And he had the bottle of J?germeister again … we went to McDonald’s, but there was no movie involved.” She sighed. “Fifteen-year-old me was too dumb to know he didn’t want to be seen with a Black girl. He just wanted to get with a Black girl. You know?”
“How long did this go on?” Hattie asked. “I swear, I had no idea.”
“Maybe a month? Two more times for sure. I thought I was so damn smart. So damn cool. This one Friday night, it was after a football game, and Cardinal Mooney beat Country Day. You were with me that night, but I made up some excuse about going to a sleepover at Sophie’s. Instead, I waited around, and when everyone was gone, I walked out to his car. It was parked way in the back of the stadium. I was gonna surprise him, you know? But the surprise was on me. He wasn’t alone.”
“Are you telling me he was with Lanier?”
Cass sniffed and nodded. “I hid behind another car and waited. I had to find out who he was with. After five minutes or so, she got out of his car and into her car, which was parked right beside his. I was so shocked, I almost died.”