“I… I’m so sorry, Arwen.” He stared down at his feet and then went stock still as if realizing something. “You could be a mother if you bedded someone else. We could raise the child together…”
These were not conversations I wanted to have hours before my wedding. Bed another man? Have another man’s child? Both of us sneaking into other people’s beds? It was not the life I wanted to sign up for.
“Calston is loyal. He would… agree to an arrangement. He’d let me raise the child,” Drae said, but his voice was thick with hurt.
Raise Cal’s child with Drae? Bed Cal? No.
My voice was small. “I could never do that. I’m not capable of such a thing.”
He looked relieved but also saddened. Without knowing what to do, he took me into his arms again, just holding me tightly, as if he were afraid I might run off.
We held each other for what seemed like an eternity. Finally he pulled back with narrowed eyes. “Tell me I can make you happy. That this life will make you happy. If not, I don’t want to marry you and have you live in sorrow on my account.”
I considered his question seriously. Would it be sad that I could never have children of my own? Yes. Would it kill me to know he’d bedded other women to have heirs? Yes.
But the alternative, living without him, him marrying Kendal or one of the others just to have an heir… it devastated me to think it.
I leaned forward and kissed his lips, pulling back to look him in the eyes. “There may be times of sorrow, I will not lie. But I do not see happiness in my life without you in it as my husband.”
A devastatingly handsome grin pulled up the corners of his mouth. “I feel like I’ve waited my whole life to find you.” He ran the pad of his thumb along my jaw.
I tilted my chin up to gaze at him. His eyes held an adoration I wasn’t sure I deserved, but I knew within my very soul that I was ready to marry this man.
“Let’s wed.” I leaned forward, brushing my lips across his earlobe.
A small growl emanated from his throat and I smiled, pleased with myself for eliciting such a reaction over him.
NINETEEN
The entirety of Jade City came out for the royal wedding. The palace ballroom could not hold everyone and so they spilled out into the streets and sat upon rooftops all trying to get a glimpse of our union. Kendal attended with my mother and Adaline, but when I tried to meet her gaze she looked away in shame.
She knew. Of course she knew about the arrangement. I’m sure Dr. Elsie and Annabeth had briefed them all.
It was heartbreaking when I thought about it, so I just didn’t think about it. I said yes to becoming Drae’s wife, to becoming his queen, in front of the entire city. I drank wine and he drank mead. We ate chocolate cake that was the same recipe as our first date. We danced and rode around the city on horseback greeting the people. All the while, I stuffed the issues surrounding our little arrangement deep down inside of me. All of these smiling people would eventually die if Drae didn’t restore the magic by giving them an heir, so any needs or thoughts I held around that were just selfish.
After a full night of revelry, my new husband brought me back to our shared room. He’d had a room of the palace never before used completely redesigned for us. No more dark wallpaper and black carpet like his old chambers. This room was full of creams and gold and felt airy and bright.
A new beginning.
I walked nervously to our shared bed, suddenly scared of the pinch of pain Kendal told me would happen when I gave up my purity.
A little pain at first for pleasure down the road, she’d informed me.
I sat at the edge of the bed and stared at Drae. As much as I wanted to make love to him, I was also nervous. He was so much more experienced than I was. He seemed to pick up on my fears as he crossed the room to kneel before me. Grasping my butt, he scooched me closer to him so that he was tucked between my legs.
“You are in charge in the bedroom, okay?” he said, and my stomach dropped out. “We can move as slow or as fast as you want.”
I swallowed hard and nodded, feeling emboldened by him giving me the control. Leaning forward, I took his bottom lip into my mouth and sucked. The moan of pleasure that ripped from his throat caused me to grin. Reaching behind me, I pulled the string of the bow that held my corset together, and then shimmied out of my top half, freeing my breasts.
Drae dipped his head slowly and took my breast into his mouth, causing me to fall backwards with a moan. Heat built between us and I started to unbutton the side opening of my giant skirt. With tender hands, Drae helped undress me, pulling his own clothes off until he stood before me fully naked and fully… aroused.