“And what was with you and Ellie?”
“What did she say?”
“Ellie said nothing, but Brenda said you were a couple.”
“We were very young. It was all … you know, typical. She was my first serious girlfriend. We started dating my senior year of high school. She was a couple of years behind me. We doubled a lot with Garner and Brenda. We’d go to dances. She loved to dance.” For a moment he looks lost in memory and he nearly smiles, but not quite. “Then we eventually went to different colleges, had different experiences, and drifted apart,” he says. “Garner and I went to ECU in Greenville. Brenda and Ellie went to UNC. Brenda and Garner dropped out to get married. Ellie dropped out and moved to California.”
“Who broke up with whom?” I ask.
He looks away again. I’m not used to my father’s discomfort when he talks to me. “I don’t remember the specifics, it was so long ago.” He lets out a long sigh. I think I’m tiring him. “She got involved with a political group called SCOPE. It was the sixties, you know? Everything was about civil rights back then. She met someone there. Fell in love with him and that was that. I was … hurt.” He gives me an embarrassed smile. “Jealous and angry. We were all very young,” he says again. “That’s when she moved to California. She lost touch with everyone, as far as I know.”
I can easily picture the Ellie I was with today being a radical in her youth. “Were you hippies?” I grin. I doubt it. I’ve seen pictures of my father during his college years. His hair was never much longer than his collar.
“We broke up before the hippies really came along.” He shuts his eyes for a moment. I am tiring him. “You know, honey, it was a long time ago. We were kids. It’s hard for you to imagine what the times were like. Vietnam. Assassinations left and right. Racial problems. A President Obama would have been unthinkable back then. I don’t like to go back there in my memory, and I’m betting Ellie doesn’t like to either.”
I get up. Walk over and lean down to hug him. “I love you,” I say. “And I’m sorry if I brought up bad memories. You don’t have to worry. I’m done badgering you for tonight.”
We talk about Rainie then, always a safe topic. I tell him how disappointed she was about the ugly lake and how she loved the old tree house. We have a second glass of wine and when I walk him to the door and step out on the front porch, he turns to me. The porch light glitters in his thick white hair, but his blue eyes look tired.
“Don’t let Rainie play in those woods, Kayla,” he says, his voice serious. “Not till she’s older. All right? Maybe not even then.”
“Daddy?” I wrinkle my nose at him. “What—”
“Just humor me,” he says, leaning over to kiss my cheek. “I love you, honey. Good night.”
I watch him walk to his car, and although the night is warm, almost hot, I rub my arms as though I’m chilled. I feel a wave of sadness wash over me. I wish Jackson had heeded my father’s letter, no matter how silly or misguided his reasons for writing it. I wish he’d told me about it.
I wish we had found us a different place to build our home.
Chapter 27
ELLIE
1965
I woke up in darkness not knowing where I was. My head felt as though it had been cracked open. I heard myself groan, and someone leaned over me. Brushed a hand over my forehead. Made me wince.
“Oh, thank God! She’s waking up, guys!”
“Where are we?” I asked. “Are we moving?”
“We’re looking for the hospital. You fell. Do you remember falling?”
“I tripped.” My body jerked at the memory of flying through the air. I was beginning to make sense of where I was. What was around me. My head rested on Jocelyn’s lap. We were in the back seat of Paul’s car. “Am I bleeding?” I asked.
“No, but you were knocked out.”
I shut my eyes. All I wanted to do was go to sleep.
“Don’t sleep!” she said, pinching my shoulder through my blouse.
“Ouch. Stop it.” I knew there was no energy at all in my voice. I wasn’t even sure Jocelyn heard me. When I shut my eyes again, I saw the giant cross on fire. “I hated the…” I hunted for the right word. Couldn’t find it.
“The rally?” she prompted.
“Yes. I hated it.”
“We all hated it,” Paul said from somewhere to my right. I turned my head and could just make out his profile in the darkness. He was driving, focused on the road.