Your stories are deliciously chilling. Do you ever scare yourself when you write? Would readers be surprised by the parts that scare you most?
This is the first book I’ve ever scared myself writing! I don’t often get spooked writing scary scenes—creepy chases or even murders—because my mind is so wrapped up in orchestrating the mechanics. When I scare myself, it’s usually in more existential moments: when a line about the way the world works just appears from my subconscious, or when I think of just the right way to take a character’s darkness to another level. I’ll write it in a flow state, then step back, look at it, and think, Wow, that is dark. And then I’ll get the chills. Maybe what I’m really scared of is myself.
Acknowledgments
Thank you, first and foremost, to my readers. I’ve never needed to write a book more nor been more terrified to publish than this one. This book is dark and personal and deals with subject matter some people argue doesn’t belong in books, films, TV, and so on, despite its continuing prevalence in the real world. After I wrote it, I was worried I’d done the wrong thing. I drew on many of my own experiences in writing this story, but more than being afraid of people reading it, I was afraid that the fact that it involves sexual violence meant no one would. That the book I was most proud of, the story that was so important to me, would be met with a resounding wall of “No thank you, not for me.” It’s a strange position to be in to want to respect people’s desire not to confront something while burning with the need to talk about it, make art about it, be heard. I’m oversharing in the hopes that you will understand the depth of my gratitude when I say thank you for taking a chance on this book.
Enormous thanks to Shana Drehs, my wonderful editor. It’s a privilege to work with you. Your compassion and care radiate through every interaction, and your brilliant insights and suggestions made this book what it is. Thank you for taking it on.
To my incredible agent, Melissa Edwards, who chills me out and keeps me brave. Thank you for seeing something in this book and not letting me give up on it. Thank you also for being the best partner and advocate. I’m so grateful for you.
Thanks to the entire fabulous Sourcebooks team, including my publicist, Cristina Arreola; my copy editor, Dianne Dannenfeldt; Heather Hall; Heather VenHuizen; Stephanie Rocha; Ashley Holstrom; Emily Luedloff; Madeleine Brown; Sara Walker; and, for the cover of my dreams, Lauren Harms.
Dee Hudson, thank you so much for your astute insight and editorial skills. I’m forever grateful to you and Tessera Editorial.
To the Kaye Publicity team—Dana Kaye, Julia Borcherts, Hailey Dezort, Jordan Brown, Nicole Leimbach: Thank you for being the best in the business. It’s a joy to work with you.
Huge thanks to my critique partners Kate Boswell, Lyssa Smith, and Ann Fraistat. You each braved dark places for me, and for that, I’m eternally grateful. You are brilliant minds and incredible writers, and I’m so lucky to have you.
To my family: Melissa, Ron, Ryan, Amanda, Celeste, Ezra, Taylor, Catherine, and Mallory. I love you all, and I’ll always believe in the Winstead magic. Dad, Ryan, and Taylor, thank you for being feminists. Mom and Mallory, thank you for being the women I count on the most.
Alex, thank you for being comfortable with me writing a book about how marriage can chafe, and for working with me to create a marriage we both find empowering and full of joy. To speak in your language, my love for you is like the expanding universe: it has no center and no end.
Huge, glorious thanks to the Bookstagram community for the incredible support you’ve shown me since I debuted. Special shout-out to Gare （@gareindeedreads）， Kori （@thrillbythepage_）， Krissy （@books_and_biceps9155）， Marisha （@marishareadsalot）， Chelsea （@thrillerbookbabe）， Amy （@captivatedpages）， Steph （@bookishopinion）， Phil （@philsbookcorner）， Jamie （@beautyandthebook）， Chip （@booksovrbros）， Abby （@crimebythebook）， Yenny （@readswithyenny）， Dennis （@scaredstraightreads）， Jeremy （@darkthrillsandchills）， Marc （@marcsbookblog）， Elodie （@elosreadingcorner）， Jordan （@jordys.book.club）， Leslie Ann （@lalalifebookclub）， Kayla （@booksandlala）， Tonya （@blondethrillerbooklover）， Chelsea （@bookish.chels）， Emily （@emilybookedup）， Nikki （@poetry.and.plot.twists）， Jordān （@jordans.book.club）， and Hannah （@read_betweenthecovers）。 I wish we could all meet for drinks and book talk in real life!