Tears of relief, of joy, of gratitude burst in my eyes. “I don’t know what to say, but why?”
Sinmay turned to the window, his long aristocratic nose a ridge of sadness reflected by the light drilling through the latticed windows. “These days, I often wonder, who am I? If I’m a poet, why am I flying like a bird who can’t see the sky? If I’m a man, why do I feel trapped in my own courtyard? If I’m a husband, why am I miserable with my wife?” He bent to pick up a suitcase, which I had not noticed before. “I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’m going to find Emily. I’ll get her back.”
“Wait . . . Does Peiyu know? Did you tell her? You have a family. You can’t just leave.”
“If I stay, I’ll never forgive myself.”
“But what about your publishing business?”
“My publishing business has long been nonexistent. The Japanese burned my magazines. They forbade me to publish my stories, and I refused to publish theirs. The calendar printing was profitable, but it was not enough to sustain the whole enterprise. I’ve closed them all.”
“You didn’t tell me. Does Peiyu know?”
“She doesn’t. If she needs money she can sell the heirlooms. She runs the house.”
“Sell heirlooms! You’re broke!”
“I’m a better poet than businessman.”
That explained why he asked me to go home. He had lost all, and now he’d decided to run away.
“I can’t believe it. You’re destitute. You’re a terrible person. Irresponsible. What about our family? Did you talk to Ying? Does he know?”
“I couldn’t find him.”
A mournful tone flowed from the two-string instrument and rippled across the teahouse.
“Can you wait so you can talk to him first?”
“You know Ying. He’s never around. Who knows what he’s doing. You can let him know when you see him. Our family will be fine. You’ll be fine. Your foreigner will take care of you, too.”
“But you can’t just leave!”
“I have to, Aiyi. Now, now. This is good tea. Let’s finish it. I like Longjing better than Biluochun.”
I held my head. I was shaking with anger, but tears poured out of me. I couldn’t stop crying, couldn’t form a coherent thought; I didn’t know what was wrong with me.
I saw Sinmay off at the wharf, at the same spot where I bade farewell to Emily. When I left, my thoughts swirled like tea leaves in hot water. Sinmay was broke; I had lost my club. The wealth of my family had declined dramatically. But maybe the situation wasn’t that bad. His factory was still there, and our home alone was worth a lot. Peiyu, a formidable woman with a good sense of finance, would know what to do.
And Sinmay had given me his blessing to plan my future with Ernest, the most wonderful outcome. I should tell Ernest of this, tell him of the child I carried. Perhaps he would live in my house, and we would play mah-jongg, drink tea, and listen to music. We would be like Emily and Sinmay, but happier.
It was a rare sunny afternoon, late in the day. The streets were paved with pebbles of sunlight, the sky whirled with white jasmine petals, and the wind surfed on an opaque silky sleeve of smoke.
I went to Ernest’s bakery to surprise him.
63
ERNEST
The soldiers were back again, talking to an officer with a mole under his eye. By the window, Ernest watched them with the nagging unease that he was being watched too. When the piano had been unloaded from a rickshaw earlier this morning, one of the soldiers had examined it before giving permission to have it moved inside the bakery.
But perhaps he was overly anxious. He had heard the same story again that the Japanese had left the German Jews alone. Perhaps, he was safe. He walked away from the window, sat on the bench in front of the piano, and ran his right hand, ungloved, completely healed, up and down the keys, reveling in the rushing sound of piano. Aiyi would be so pleased. “The Last Rose of Shanghai” rang in his ears; his heart lifting in happiness, he played. His Chinese, in his opinion, was much improved, but Aiyi always said he got the tones wrong. So he switched to Beethoven.
“This piano must have cost a fortune,” Mr. Schmidt said near the counter.
“Fifty American dollars,” Sigmund, who had helped move the piano from the hotel to the bakery, replied for him. “Ernest bought it for his girlfriend.”
“Did you use up all your savings, Ernest?” Miriam said.
Ernest smiled. He loved it that Miriam looked out for him. “Don’t worry. We have enough.”