His smile notched up by degrees. “I guess I haven’t. Thank you. Do you want to ask a favor in return or hang on to it?”
Hailey widened her grin, hoping it would ease his obvious anxiety. “When you least expect it, my friend.” Then she bumped his shoulder with hers. “I feel weird about taking advantage of people when I need something but honestly, I’ll do anything for people I care about. We’re good. Relax.”
He gave her another strange look. “I am relaxed.”
She scooped up a bite of pasta. “Tell that to your shoulders and maybe even your lungs.”
He huffed out a breath, like he hadn’t realized he’d been limiting his air intake. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
They sat eating for a few minutes, enjoying the quiet and the meal. She could sense he was still stuck in his own head, thinking about what, she didn’t know. But she was happy to be able to do something for him. Especially when he seemed so reluctant to ask. Hailey didn’t think Wes was the type to take advantage. Or the type she’d lose her way over enough to let him do just that. Maybe the friendship path just made things more clear-cut and straightforward. Or maybe Wes is unlike the other men you’ve known.
“Oh,” she said, finishing up her last bite. “I wanted to ask what you thought of me doing a book club for teens at the rec center?”
Wes smiled, used a napkin to wipe his lips. “I’ve noticed you’re a bit of a bookworm.”
“You know what they say, you’re never really lonely if you have a book.”
“I didn’t know they said that. But I think it’s a great idea. I think the more that can be offered in the way of programming, the wider the reach will be in the community. If you write up a short proposal, Noah will take care of setting things in motion with the center’s director of programs.”
“Great. I’ve got a couple books in mind. I think this will be fun. And I know Fiona was pumped, too.”
“You don’t mind giving your time, helping out a friend, comping salads, but you worry about people doing things for you.”
She looked over at him and she knew she could leave the comment, talk about something else. But she also knew that if she didn’t learn to open herself up again, trust in someone, she wasn’t going to be truly happy.
“My parents are desperately in love. Like, obsessively. I was a hurdle. An unexpected surprise and they love me. They do. But they were, and still are, all about each other. I always felt a little bit invisible, which is fine. I’m not telling you a ‘woe is me’ story. But I learned early to lean on myself. When others started to lean on me, friends, boyfriends, I felt happy. It was like the little kid in me felt seen because these people needed me. Does that sound dumb?”
He shook his head, his lips parted, his gaze locked on her.
Her skin felt too tight. Uncomfortable. Piper would be so proud of her, she thought. “When I started to need them back, feel safer in some of the relationships I chose, I ended up disappointed. It’s a self-preservation mechanism, I guess.”
He was quiet a moment. “We all have those.”
She nodded. He wasn’t wrong.
“Thank you for telling me.”
“You’re welcome. You’re less obnoxious about psychoanalyzing me than Piper is.”
He laughed. “I need to meet your cousin.”
“Oh, you shall. She’ll see to it.”
“Should I be scared?”
Taking his plate from him, she stood. “Piper says a little fear goes a long way. Toward what, I’m not sure. Best to be cautious but I’ll have your back.”
The softness in his gaze was doing something weird to her insides. Not friend-like things, but she was okay with setting it aside because what was happening between them felt special. All the friends she’d thought were the real deal disappeared with her relationship. Connections she thought mattered were severed like the tie between them was the thinnest of strings. This tether she was weaving with Wes felt strong, sturdy. Like something she could count on even if it was stretched.
“I’m glad we met,” he said finally.
“Me too,” she said. “Let’s watch the movie. No looking at me during the diner scene.”
Wes’s laughter was worth pushing down any feelings that weren’t about friendship. She wouldn’t risk losing that.
14
November
Their Saturday-night shopping trips were a highlight for Hailey. Wes’s love of routine must have rubbed off on her because it felt strange to be doing something different after weeks of the same. She felt like she was living in this perfect little bubble of happiness. She didn’t believe in good or bad luck, per se, but she had this hovering feeling that too much good could only be offset by some bad. Her business and her personal life were thriving. Giving up on romantic relationships while building new friendships—Noah and Chris ate at her shop once a week, Fiona texted regularly—had given her a freedom to explore new parts of herself.