Yes, of course. There was no additional risk.
“Thank you for letting me know.” She gave a stiff smile, wanting nothing more than for him to leave.
Those kisses they’d shared had been real to her. They had meant something. The time she spent with James had brought vibrance and color to the corner of her world that had been black-and-white for far too long.
But for him, she now realized, those interactions were the facade of a cover, a means to the end of a mission, part of his job.
Nausea churned in her belly.
“You don’t need to worry about Dieter if that is your concern,” he said gently. “I tried to enlist the PVDE’s help to remove him as a threat when I learned how intently he was watching you, but it only turned their attention onto me for several months. The Allied launch has now marked a significant turn in the war and while Portugal claims to want neutrality, they are not so stubborn as to overlook when a side is winning. The PVDE has suddenly become most accommodating.” He folded his hands in front of him. “That said, Dieter will no longer be bothering you.”
Ava looked at the thread on her chair once more and pulled at it with the pinch of her forefinger and thumb. She didn’t want to know if Lukas—Dieter or whoever—was dead or not. Only that he could no longer interfere with Sarah and Noah and their journey to America.
“There’s another reason I’m telling you.” James sat forward. “Ava, I care for—”
“Don’t.” The word erupted from her mouth before she could stop it, but she was glad for her quick response. She didn’t want his platitudes.
“It’s why I fought to rescue Sarah and Noah,” James said. “My boss insisted if it was to be done, I had to go myself since the plans for today were already in motion. Ava, I did that for you.”
She forced herself to look at him. “You did that for you—to alleviate your own guilt by giving me something I wanted in return for your deceptive betrayal.”
He returned her stare and a muscle worked in his jaw. “That is only partially true.”
“It’s enough.” The energy drained from her, sapped from the ache threatening to consume her. She didn’t want to have this conversation, be subjected to his explanations anymore. Too much had already been said. “Please leave.”
He hesitated. “Ava…”
She shook her head. Finally, he rose and slowly walked away from her. He paused before turning down the narrow hall leading to her front door. “Your brother will be fine, Ava,” he said gently. “From everything you’ve told me about him, I have a strong idea of the type of soldier he is. And that man always comes home. He’ll be safe.”
Ava lowered her head into her hands, refusing to let her tears fall.
James’s footsteps echoed down the hall and the door clicked closed behind him.
Silence bathed her, but it did not bring the relief she sought. There was an emptiness left in James’s wake, raw and cavernous.
In the end, he had soothed the very concerns she sought him out for. He knew her so very, very well and apparently, she did not know him at all.
However, now was not the time for tears or embracing her hurt. Not when Sarah and Noah still needed new tickets to New York. The American Export Lines office would be swarming with refugees desperate to flee Lisbon on the off chance the Allies botched the attack and the war swung back into Nazi favor.
For Ava’s part, she could not even allow herself to consider the battle in Normandy failing, not when she knew what that would mean for Daniel. And despite James’s comforting words, she could not clear her heart of worry until she knew with certainty that her brother was safe.
God help them all through the hell of this war.