Just like he wouldn’t be there to put his arm around her in a crowd of people to keep her from being jostled or prepare her coffee while she lazed just five minutes longer in bed.
There were so many times his stare went distant in the comfortable quiet moments between them. She swore his mind was made up of a complex series of cogs and gears that clicked through problems with a mechanical precision. Never again would she witness that familiar, scholarly gaze and wonder what world-changing dilemma he was internally solving.
He was a beacon of knowledge and in an instant, all the brilliance and intelligence was snuffed out like a flame, leaving not even a curl of smoke in its wake.
All that remained was a broken heart.
Hers.
“Elaine,” Etienne said in a hoarse voice. “I’m so sorry.”
In looking at him, her rage found its target. Grief carved deeply at Etienne’s haggard face, his shoulders sloped with defeat, a soldier who’d lost his comrade.
But in that moment, when the pain of her own loss blistered her insides and left breathing difficult to drag through her aching chest, she could not summon sympathy for him. Not when she had trusted him to free Joseph from Montluc so long ago.
“Was my message delivered to him?” Anger edged her words like a weapon.
His expression was one of helplessness that tugged somewhere deep in the raw ache of her soul. “I have no way of knowing if he received your note. I can tell you that I called in every favor I had to make it happen.”
Words had power.
She learned that from her fateful last fight with Joseph, painfully realizing that words spoken could never be taken back—words that no longer would be made right with an apology. The mistake was one she would not repeat even as the invective rose in her throat like bile.
He had failed Joseph. While Joseph was beaten by Werner, Etienne walked free. He left his best friend to die.
She almost choked as she swallowed down such bitterness. However, her refusal to lay such heavy accusations at his feet did not mean she would offer him forgiveness.
Instead, she put her back to Etienne and returned to the warehouse, her body numb and her heart on fire. Somehow, she managed to stay her tears. Deep down she was fully aware that when they did come, they would be like a dam breaking, flowing out in an uncontrollable wave that would be impossible to hold back.
Her actions were wooden for the rest of the day as she coordinated efforts to have Sarah and Noah settled at Manon’s. Elaine brushed aside concerns for her well-being as she resumed her work. The men skirted around her, their concerned gazes flicking to her periodically as though they expected her to topple.
There were many moments she suspected she might as well.
No matter what task she set upon, her thoughts were of Joseph. From the times they strolled along the Rh?ne at night with stars dotting the sky like flecks of diamonds, to the countless mornings she kissed him goodbye as he left for work. With heavy regret, she also recalled when she had stopped that simple spousal affection after their fighting brought their marriage to its knees.
When the day began to darken into night, Marcel approached her. “Go to the back room, Elaine. Get some rest.”
“I’d like to keep working,” she replied numbly. “Being busy has helped.”
Empathy showed in his eyes, so poignant it almost cracked the fragile shell of her composure. “If you think it will help,” he said slowly, clearly not in agreement with her. “But only tonight.”
Such kindness tugged at a guilty thread in her conscience for what she was about to do. She gave an obedient nod to Marcel, who pushed his arms into his jacket and picked up his hat, the top of his dark fedora pinched between his fingers, still hesitant.
“I’ll be fine,” she assured him.