Ruth hesitated to meet his glass, unused to such admiration. “You must stop. I am hardly a miracle. But I have come to feel that this work is . . . well, that I was destined to do it.” She emptied her glass.
“Destined?”
Ruth looked away. Many at the hospital, of course, knew her family’s history, but for as long as she had worked there, she made a point not to talk about her own experience. It might, she feared, make those who were looking for a reason question her judgment. But tonight, her inhibitions were gone. “My brother, Harry,” Ruth said with fondness. “He wanted to change the world. When he went off to war in ’17, proudly, all bluster and bravery with such a sense of purpose”—Ruth smiled remembering it—“I was furious with my father for forcing me to finish my studies at Mount Holyoke instead of letting me join my brother on the front.
“He came back from France a year later, broken. We didn’t realize it at first. He was good at hiding it. He resumed normal life, even reenrolled at Harvard, claiming he wanted to get all the education he could before he took his place in Father’s world.”
She brazenly refilled her own glass and gulped down the champagne before continuing.
“The first time he tried to take his own life, Mother and Father attributed it to school. They encouraged him to spend a few weeks at Magnolia Bluff, our cottage, but he refused. He said he had had a bad few days, too many exams, and he was fine. I knew it was something more. We were less than two years apart in age, but I always felt we were more like twins. Not that we were similar—on the contrary—he was charming, social, and easy, where I was shy and awkward. He was an inch shorter than me too.” She laughed. “Very handsome, but not so tall. Anyway, we understood one another in a way that was unspoken. He could sense when I needed him to save me from Mother’s attentions or Father’s . . . inattention.” She was being too bold, and she pushed her coupe away. “But I knew the moment I saw him step off that ship in New York Harbor that something inside of him was lost. I just didn’t realize that it would never again be found.”
“So many men were irreparably damaged. I worked at a veterans’ hospital and I saw that look in those poor soldiers’ eyes. I don’t think any of us can truly understand what war can do to a man. I hope you don’t blame yourself.”
Ruth smiled softly. “Of course, I know what you are saying is true. But Harry seemed like he was getting better. Like he could be saved. As soon as my parents accepted that he was suffering from shell shock, they sent him to Payne Whitney, which, as you know, is lauded as one of the best facilities in the country. His doctors claimed he was improving. But in one of the many moments when they weren’t paying attention, he managed to end his life. And that was it.” She paused thoughtfully. “I had already devoted my life to caring for Harry. With him gone, helping others like him was just the logical next step. Father channeled his despair into creating a better facility. But he had no interest in, or time for, day-to-day operations. I did. I was determined to change things. And when I really want something I, too, can be relentless. So, I suppose, here we are.” Ruth felt more exposed than she had ever been in her lifetime. She looked hard at her plate, terrified to gaze at Robert and risk humiliation. But she couldn’t avoid him for long.
Robert slid his chair next to hers and gently lifted her chin so she had no choice but to look directly into his kind chestnut eyes. “Is it really possible that you have no idea how incredible you are? You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on, yet you wear your appearance like an afterthought. You are so smart, frighteningly smart, yet you seem to feel the need to apologize for your role and dismiss your brilliance. I watch you daily with awe and wonder, so capable, so caring. If my grandfather were alive to meet you, he would tell me to grab tight to you and never let go. How is it possible that no one has taken you as their own?”
Ruth blushed, turning away from Robert’s glance to break the tension. “I have, generally, not been available to be taken.”
“Of course. You need a partner in life, not a master.”