“But in Fisher’s mind, it’s not like that. In his mind, he met us both a few months ago, and he fell in love with me. And everyone told him he was in love with Angie. It would be like me grabbing some stranger off the street, bringing them here, and telling you that you love them … now act accordingly. Is that all it takes? Would you just embrace that stranger? Love them? What if I said you love this person more than Rose? Would you fall in line? Would you trust me and just … love this stranger? Commit to forever with this stranger because I said, ‘Trust me. You love her.’ No. You wouldn’t because it sounds utterly preposterous because it is utterly preposterous! And the fact that Fisher has fallen in love with me twice, all on his own, without any recollection of our past or anyone telling him he should love me … that means something. No—” I shook my head. “That means everything.”
Rory nodded several times, lines of deep thought trenched into her forehead. “It’s a good speech, Reese. Very persuasive. But it doesn’t change reality. Fisher isn’t with you. To ninety-nine percent of the world, he’s with Angie. Engaged to Angie. Childhood sweethearts who are destined to be together. And he hasn’t done anything to change that. Why is that? Is it because he hasn’t really made his decision?”
“No. It’s because he does remember his family. He does remember his friends Rory and Rose. And that does mean something to him. It means he trusts all of you. So when you tell him how much he loved Angie, it makes him question himself. It makes him fearful of what might come from his memories if he does get them back. And he’s not a monster, despite what you might think now. Even if he doesn’t remember his life with Angie, he accepts that it happened and that it meant a lot to a lot of people, maybe even him. Clearly him too since he agreed to marry her. So it’s not about stringing anyone along. He’s not having his cake and eating it too.
“This isn’t some party or game for him. He’s simply in love with me. He wants to be with me because that’s what his heart tells him. But his brain won’t let him be anything but beholden to his past until he gets his memory back or at least enough of his memories to properly explain to Angie and everyone else why he doesn’t love her the way he loves me. And it’s cruel for anyone to judge him for living in real time, for having feelings in real time.
“He could have been injured worse. He could have been confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life, and nobody would have told him to just get his ass up out of the chair and pretend to walk simply because he used to be able to do it. It would make all of us feel better if he would just be the exact same person he used to be. We have to accept that his mind and his heart may never feel or love the same way as before the accident.”
There. I drew my own sword and fought for Fisher the way he did for me. Only I had to use way more than three words, and I still wasn’t sure Rory was ready to surrender.
“Why doesn’t he tell Angie?”
“Because she will be devastated. He’s getting pieces of his memory back. And if I were to take a guess, I think he wants to end it with her, having some true recollection of how he felt about her. I think he needs to feel a little emotional pain too.” My voice broke and tears burned my eyes. I was living in real time, not only convincing Rory of everything, but also convincing myself. “I’d imagine it’s like losing someone and having no body, not true proof of death, but having a funeral anyway. There’s not the same kind of closure. I think Fisher doesn’t merely want to end things; I think he wants closure.”
“And if he doesn’t get it? If he doesn’t get his memory back … his closure … what’s he going to do?”
I shrugged. “He’s giving it until the end of the year. Six more weeks. And if he still doesn’t have enough memories to remember why he fell in love with her…” I cringed because the analogy sounded terrible, but I’d already put it out there “…then he’ll bury the empty casket.”
That made Rory flinch. It started out as such a great analogy, but it ended rather morbidly.