Yeah. A great job.
When she stepped out of the bathroom, someone was about to tear down the door. She opened it to find Anh and Malcolm, who hugged her and started talking so loudly and rapidly, she could barely make out the words—though she did catch the terms “paradigm-shifting,” “life-altering,” and “watershed moment in history.”
They chattered their way to Olive’s unused bed and sat down. After a few more moments of overlapping babbling, Olive decided to intervene and lifted her hands.
“Hold on.” She was already coming down with a headache. Today was going to be a nightmare, for so many reasons. “What happened?”
“The weirdest thing,” Anh said.
“Coolest,” Malcolm interrupted. “She means coolest.”
“Where were you, Ol? You said you were going to join us.”
“Here. I just, um, was tired after my talk, and fell asleep and—”
“Lame, Ol, very lame, but I have no time to berate you for your lameness because I need to catch you up with what happened last night—”
“I should tell her,” Malcolm gave Anh a scathing look. “Since it’s about me.”
“Fair enough,” she conceded with a flourishing gesture.
Malcolm smiled, pleased, and cleared his throat. “Ol, who have I been wanting to have sex with for the past several years?”
“Uh . . .” She scratched her temple. Off the top of her head, she could name about thirty people. “Victoria Beckham?”
“No. Well, yes. But no.”
“David Beckham?”
“Also yes. But no.”
“The other Spice Girl? The one in the Adidas tracksuit—”
“No. Okay, yes, but don’t focus on celebrities, focus on real life people—”
“Holden Rodrigues,” Anh blurted out impatiently. “He hooked up with Rodrigues at the department social. Ol, it is with utmost regret that I must inform you that you have been dethroned and are no longer the president of the Hot for Teacher club. Will you retire in shame or accept the treasurer position?”
Olive blinked. Several times. An inordinate amount of times. And then heard herself say, “Wow.”
“Isn’t it the weirdest—”
“Coolest, Anh,” Malcolm interjected. “Coolest.”
“Things can be weird in a cool way.”
“Right, but this is pure, one hundred percent cool, zero percent weird—”
“Hold up,” Olive interrupted. Her headache was growing a size or two. “Holden is not even in the department. Why was he at the social?”
“No idea, but you bring up an excellent point, which is that since he’s in pharmacology, we can do whatever we want without having to tell anyone.”
Anh tilted her head. “Is that so?”
“Yep. We checked Stanford’s socialization regulations on our way to CVS to get condoms. Basically foreplay.” He closed his eyes in bliss. “Will I ever step inside a pharmacy again without getting a boner?”
Olive cleared her throat. “I’m so happy for you.” She really was. Though this did feel a bit weird. “How did it happen?”
“I hit on him. It was glorious.”
“He was shameless, Ol. And glorious. I took some pictures.”
Malcolm gasped in outrage. “Okay, that’s illegal and I could sue you. But if I look good in them, do send them my way.”