That’s when I let her know, I was moving down south with Uncle Root. He’d already invited me, and I’d already said yes. And before she brought it up, I’d quit my volunteer job at the clinic and the old man had sent me the money to get my car serviced.
Without sniffing, Mama threw a shirt in the clean pile. Then she stomped up the basement stairs. For the rest of the week, she barely spoke to me. She placed my breakfast plate on the kitchen table and took her oatmeal and coffee to the dining room, where my aunt and cousin would join her. Saying, I’m sorry, please excuse me, when she encountered me on the stairs. She didn’t go on her morning walks. Instead of the tracksuits, she wore a series of clean housedresses and slippers. She took the curlers out of her hair but didn’t comb the rows.
Her usual allies stayed out of it. Aunt Diane wore a disappointed expression but said nothing, and if my sister detected a skirmish, she didn’t show it when she stopped by the house. Since our argument, Coco and I had only given each other the barest of greetings. Sometimes less than that: we only raised our eyebrows at each other. But the day before I was due to leave, she cornered me again.
“Hey, girl,” she said.
I threw the sponge in the kitchen sink, spraying water. “Here we go—”
“No, wait! I don’t want any trouble. I just wondered if I could take you out for coffee tomorrow morning?”
“I can drink coffee here, Coco.”
“I know, but I’m buying. Please?”
*
The place where I met my sister was only a few blocks away from Nana’s house. It was a new establishment, and semi-fancy. Their version of breakfast consisted of muffins of all kinds. It was the kind of place that Aunt Diane would have loved.
My sister and I sat there with our giant blueberry muffins and cups of overpriced coffee. Coco brought up the weather. It was hotter than usual. The electric bill at Nana’s would be sky-high at the end of the month.
“Look,” I said. “I’m headed out early tomorrow morning and I still need to pack. Say what you need to say, so I can go.”
“You’re mad at me, aren’t you?”
“Hell yeah, I am.” I took a bite of my huge muffin. It was free and delicious, so this wouldn’t be a total loss.
“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to talk that way to you. I just snapped when you said what you did about Lydia. And I’m always going to be hurt over what Gandee did. I tell Melissa that all the time.”
“You told her about him?”
“She’s my lady. I wasn’t going to keep it from her. She had to know, sometimes, I’m gone flip out. Other shit, too. And I went into therapy.”
“I still don’t know how you stand living with Nana. I can’t even go to Sunday dinner at her house.”
“I guess being a doctor helps. You get used to putting things into boxes. I look at Nana like a patient. Her long-term memory is shot, but sometimes, yeah, I do want to cuss her out.”
I laughed. “You did a pretty good job of that with me. I deserved it, though.”
“No, you didn’t. I was taking stuff out on you, like I’m really broken up about Lydia. Melissa was so mad at me when I told her. She said, we should be coming together, not cussing at each other.”
“I knew I liked her.”
Coco smiled. “She’ll do.”
My sister wasn’t a big talker, so I thought that was it. I was reaching for my pocketbook when she told me, wait a minute. Let’s stay awhile longer.
“Ailey, I’m so sorry about back in the day. When we were little, I mean. How I hit you when you told me what Gandee did.”
“You were just a little girl, Coco.”
“I know, but I should’ve been taking better care of you. I don’t know why I believed him when he said I was the only one.”
“It wasn’t up to you to take care of me. Our parents should have done that—”
“—they didn’t know, Ailey—”
“—I know they didn’t. I know that. But still, they were the adults in charge. You act like you were grown back then, but you’re only four years older than me.”
“My therapist said the same thing. And I was getting up the nerve to tell Mama what Gandee did, but then Daddy died. And then Lydia died, too. I just don’t want Mama to hurt anymore.”
“I know. I feel the same way. But at least you took back something. You went your own way. I feel like my whole life I’ve been watching this family from the outside. Just trying to stay out of trouble, but I never knew what I wanted. I mean, besides being a good girl. I just didn’t want to be bad. I just didn’t want to feel dirty.”