At Toomer High, whenever somebody talked badly about somebody’s mother—or even hinted at a maternal insult—there had to be a fight. That was a point of honor. But how could you fight your elderly grandmother? And so I stayed away from Nana. On Thursday afternoons, I’d leave messages with Miss Delores, telling her that I couldn’t spend the weekend with Nana because I had homework. My other excuse was cramps—I didn’t reveal that Daddy gave me two codeines a month after I’d told him the agony in my midsection made me ponder whether I wanted to face the next thirty-five to forty years of menstruation.
But then Nana called my house. When I picked up, she asked to speak to my mother. Minutes later, Mama knocked on my door.
“That was your grandmother.”
“I know. I answered the phone, remember?”
“Ailey, she’s so upset. What’s happened? Y’all used to be so tight.”
“Nothing. I’m just busy, trying to keep my grades up.”
“So you’re going to kick Miss Claire to the curb? You can’t study over there?”
“Mama, please don’t try to be cool. It’s kind of really sad.”
“All right, I will set my coolness aside. But, baby, she’s an old lady. I know she can be cantankerous, but she depends on you. You’re her only friend.”
“Are you actually feeling sorry for Nana?”
“Folks get crotchety when they get old. I expect I will, too. You remember how mean Dear Pearl was?”
“She wasn’t so bad. She was all right.”
“That’s ’cause you didn’t grow up with her. I remember this one time we were in church, and Mr. J.W. James, he got up and said he needed to testify about how good the Lord had been. He wanted to sing Him a song. The elder said all right—this was the one before Elder Beasley. Now the whole congregation knew Mr. J.W., he never could sing a lick, and we just didn’t say anything to keep from hurting his feelings, don’t you know. But Dear Pearl? She did not care one bit! She stopped Mr. J.W. right in the middle of ‘Amazing Grace.’ Told him if he was trying to praise the Devil, he shole was doing a good job. But if he wanted to praise Jesus, he needed to shut up and sit his ass down.”
My mother laughed so hard, she plopped down on my bed. I didn’t want to laugh along, but I couldn’t help myself.
“Child, in church! In front of God and everybody! Ailey, I laughed so hard, I thought I was gone pee-pee! But Mr. J.W. never did care how mean Dear Pearl was. When she died, he was so broken up at her funeral.”
“I remember. He couldn’t stop crying.”
My mother touched my hand. “Ailey, please go see your grandmother. It’s the holiday season. Nobody should be alone during the holidays, especially an old lady. I know she’s hard to take, but we don’t know the troubles she’s seen. And we never will, either, because Miss Claire’s a prideful soul.”
When Mama collected me from school on Friday, I told her I needed to pack for that weekend. I’d call Nana at home and see if she was free. At the red light, my mother put her foot on the brake. She pulled my face to hers, kissing my cheek.
“You are such a good girl. I’m so proud of you.”
But when I called my grandmother, she didn’t seem grateful. She acted inconvenienced, letting me know she’d have to change her plans for the weekend. Exactly what those plans had been, she didn’t say, but at tea the next afternoon, she pulled out my midsemester reports. My mother had turned them over to her. It was Nana’s right to see them; she was helping to pay for my school tuition.
“Ailey, I’m amazed by your biology grade, and not in a good way. This B minus is unacceptable. You don’t seem to understand what your responsibilities are in this family. I’m very disappointed in you.”
As she continued to berate me in ladylike whispers, I closed my eyes. Unlike others, who raised their voices, when my grandmother was angry or wanted to emphasize something she lowered hers, forcing me to ask her to repeat herself. This resulted in her raising her voice and speaking slowly and loudly, but at least I didn’t have to be a dog to hear her.
“Ailey, are you going to be a physician or not? Because with this biology grade, there’s no way you’ll be accepted into a college that will prepare you for medical school.”
I blew on my Earl Grey. When I looked up, she regarded me with disdain.
“Nana, I don’t think I want to be a doctor.”
“But we talked about this a long time ago.”