“It’s been over twenty-five years. It might take a few days to find her.”
Roman gave his contact information. He went to the wharf for dinner and then back to the hotel. He slept for eighteen hours without dreaming and awakened fully rested. Instead of wandering the Tenderloin, he went to Golden Gate Park and imagined how much Grace would love it. He drove to Cliff House for a late lunch. His phone vibrated. The medical examiner’s office. “It usually takes a lot longer than this, but we found your mother’s remains.”
God seemed to be moving things along.
Roman pulled into Masterson Ranch the next day. Gibbs and DiNozzo barked from the front porch. Chet came out of the barn, and Susan down the steps of the house. She got to him first and hugged him. “Nice you came back so soon.”
Chet laughed. “We were worried you’d wait another decade before visiting again.”
Roman said he’d like to stay a couple of days this time, if they had room. They told him he could stay as long as he wanted. They all sat in the kitchen and talked around the table for two hours before Roman asked them if he could spread his mother’s ashes in the hills above their house.
Susan looked at Chet, tears in her eyes. Chet nodded. “We’d be honored, Bobby Ray.”
They told him he could stay in his old room, but he’d have to share it. They only had four boys right now, but the one living in his room was another tough case just like him. Roman met Jaime Lopez when everyone gathered for dinner. He recognized himself at fifteen: angry, broken, no family, no future, no hope. All that had changed on this ranch with these people, and would for this boy, too, if he cooperated. Roman told Jaime as much after lights-out.
The next morning, at dawn, Roman took his mother’s ashes up into the hills. He found a beautiful old valley oak with outstretched branches and a view of the ranch. In spring, these hills would be covered in green grass, golden poppies, and purple lupines. He opened the box and carefully spread her ashes.
“I love you, Mama. I forgive you.” When he finished, the tears came from down deep. “Forgive me.” He’d hated her, blamed her for dying and leaving him on his own. It had taken him all these years to see and confess it to her. He had carried that anger around like a heavy shield to protect himself against ever loving anyone again.
It took dying before he could learn to live.
It was sunset before Roman returned to the house. He took his place at the dinner table and listened to the conversation going on around him. He volunteered to do the dishes and then joined everyone in the living room for the house meeting. When asked, he talked about his time at the ranch. “The program works, if you work it.” Chet and Susan told the boys about his success as an artist. They all knew about the piece he’d done on the church.
Jasper came late. “Two trips up here in six months. That’s a good sign.”
Chet and Susan turned in for the night, leaving José in charge. Roman sat on the porch with Jasper. Neither Chet nor Susan had mentioned Grace. Considering how well they’d all gotten along, he’d hoped they’d bring her up. And now, here was Jasper talking about every subject except the one Roman wanted most. Several times, he had to clench his jaw so he wouldn’t ask. That wasn’t part of the bargain he’d made with God. Three people, Lord. He needed one more. His heart squeezed tight with pain. I guess You’re saying no. He looked out at the stars and let her go again.
“Time to head for home.” Jasper put his hands on his knees and stood. “Walk me to the car.” Roman fell into step beside him. Jasper opened the car door. “Don’t stay away too long, son.”
“That works two ways. You have my new address, but you’ll be on the couch again. No fancy guest room.”
“Not a problem.” Jasper studied him. “You’re not going to talk about Grace, are you?”
Roman’s heart jumped. Number three. God was answering his prayer. “I’ve been waiting for you to bring her up.”
“Are you going to see her?”
“I’d be on her front doorstep if I knew where she lived.”
“You haven’t talked to her at all?”
“Figured that was the way she wanted it after she quit and moved out of the cottage. Have you seen her?”
Jasper hesitated. “No, but I’ve talked with her several times. She’s got her own business now. VirtualGrace.biz. I’ve referred several students to her. One landed on the honor roll after she worked with him.”