Nina was dressing by the closet now, and Maura’s cursor hovered over the “History” tab on her computer. She was hesitant, acutely aware of the intrusion, but too curious not to click. Like opening her box, all over again.
Nina’s most recent links covered a common array of news sites, but farther down the list, the content changed. There were dozens of Reddit pages, with varying degrees of apparent outlandishness, plus a number of visits to a site called String Theory, which appeared to be some sort of forum for disgruntled short-stringers. None of it looked like your typical day of browsing, especially for Nina.
When she finished getting ready, Nina came back over to the bed. “Are you sure you’re okay? I’m happy to stay home with you.”
“What’s String Theory?” Maura asked her.
“You mean, like, in physics?”
“I mean this website,” Maura said, turning the computer around so Nina could see the screen. “And all the other pages you’ve been visiting.”
“It’s nothing.” Nina shrugged.
“It doesn’t look like nothing.”
“I know it looks weird,” Nina said, her face starting to flush. “But I was just doing some Googling, and I guess it got a little out of hand.”
Perhaps hoping to avoid interrogation, Nina turned her back toward Maura and started to pack up her purse, double-checking that she had all her usual items: a few spare pens, tissues, a notebook.
Maura stood up and faced her girlfriend. “There are hours’ worth of searches on there, Nina. Like you fell completely down the fucking rabbit hole.”
Nina looked up from her purse, brushing her hair away from her face with an irritated swipe. “I think you’re overreacting,” she said.
“You know, for someone with a really long string,” said Maura, “you’re awfully interested in the plight of the short-stringer.”
Nina was startled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing,” Maura said, suddenly mindful that she was sidling toward a dangerous edge. “I guess I’m just surprised you never mentioned this . . . obsession.”
“It’s not an obsession,” Nina insisted. “I was just . . . I don’t know . . . looking for answers.”
“And did you find any?”
Nina rolled her eyes in response.
“I didn’t think so,” Maura said harshly, turning away from Nina and walking down the hallway.
“Where are you going?” Nina yelled after her.
When Maura didn’t respond, Nina ran down the hall and reached for Maura’s arm, spinning her around and trapping them both in the narrow space between the walls.
“Why are you so pissed off about this?” Nina asked.
Maura stared into Nina’s panicked gaze. She knew that she was hurting Nina, and she didn’t want to. But she was exhausted and fractious and still thinking about last night. While Maura was facing one of the greatest challenges of her life, Nina was off with her nose in some tinfoil-hat conspiracies.
“I just don’t understand why you’re so fixated on these strings, when you’re not the one whose life’s been completely fucked!” Maura shouted.
Nina’s breath stuttered, and the flush of her earlier embarrassment drained in an instant. Her hand dropped limply from Maura’s arm.
“I may not have a short string,” she said quietly, “but you and I share our lives now, so whatever you’re going through affects me, too.”
“I can’t believe you’re making this about you,” Maura said bitterly.
“I’m not trying to!” Nina’s hands flew up in frustration. She was fighting hard not to get angry. Maura felt like she could practically see Nina’s mind searching for a way to defuse the situation, before it was too late.
“Look, I know that I can get a little compulsive sometimes, and yes, it’s killing me not to know the truth about these strings,” Nina said. “And maybe that’s how this whole thing started, but I swear it’s only because I was thinking about you and your safety. I was worrying about you. I’m always worrying about you.”
“Well, it doesn’t really matter what you find on these websites, because it won’t change anything,” Maura said firmly. “What’s going to happen is . . . still going to happen. You’re only wasting your time.”
Maura watched as Nina struggled against her tears.
“And I don’t need you worrying about me all the time.” Maura sighed, finally ready to relent. “It’ll only drive us both nuts. What I need is for you to keep your shit together. For me. Do you think you can do that?”