Birdie, tired after her full day of planting flowers, ran to her room. Cassie waited until Bobby made her way inside and down the hall before following behind. No matter how fine Bobby insisted she was, Cassie worried. Staying out of sight, she peered in the door and listened as Bobby stumbled through The Three Little Pigs for Birdie’s sake. Love welled up inside Cassie. The woman could speak and read Ukrainian, Polish, and Russian fluently, but she still struggled on occasion with the written English word.
When the story was done, she pulled the covers up to Birdie’s chin and kissed her on her forehead. Cassie smiled at the sight. No doubt, her mother had been right in encouraging her to move here with Bobby. Birdie would never forget the time she got to spend with her great-grandmother.
“Can you tell me another story about you and Alina?” Birdie asked.
Cassie’s mouth dropped open, and she leaned closer to the doorway.
“What about the one with the mud pies?” Birdie asked. “That’s my favorite.”
“Let’s play a game,” Bobby said. “This time, you tell it to me. What do you think?”
“Okay.” Birdie pursed her lips and tapped her finger on her chin. “Let’s see. Once upon a time, you and Alina made mud pies. Alina decorated hers with flowers and grass. It looked so pretty that you wanted to eat it!” Birdie grimaced. “Yuck! Alina said you couldn’t eat mud, so you tried to feed them to the pigs, but they didn’t eat them either. They rolled in them!”
She dissolved into a fit of giggles. “Was that good? Did I tell it right?”
Bobby nodded slowly. “It was perfect. Now, you get some rest. Maybe Alina will visit you again soon.” Bobby tucked the covers in close one more time and stood. “If she does, you tell me, okay?”
Birdie gave a sleepy nod as she yawned.
Prickles of unease tickled Cassie’s scalp as she backpedaled away from the room.
Cassie tried to lose herself in transcribing—shoving down her reactions, letting the words flow in her ears and out her fingers. With every loss Katya accumulated—Pavlo, Viktor, Alina, her mother—Cassie’s hold on her emotions weakened, but as Nick described Katya’s wedding to Kolya, Cassie couldn’t keep up the charade any longer. A sob tore out of her, and she pushed herself back from the table.
Nick looked up at her, his mouth hanging open. “Are you okay?”
“I can’t do this, Nick.” Cassie’s voice cracked. “Don’t you see? She’s going to lose him. She’s lost everyone, and he’s going to die, too. Kolya wasn’t my grandfather!”
Hearing Bobby’s story hadn’t just brought up old feelings. It had ripped her out of this fantasy world she’d been living in. Henry’s death was the hardest thing she’d ever endured, and Cassie wasn’t as strong as Bobby. She couldn’t go through it again, couldn’t risk opening herself up, because losing another love would kill her. She was a fool to think taking off her wedding ring would magically make her ready for a new relationship.
She was broken. Damaged goods.
Cassie wrenched away from Nick’s touch and stood on shaky legs. “I think you should go.”
Confusion clouded Nick’s face. “Did I do something wrong?”
You did everything right. “No. It’s me. I can’t do this with you.”
“Do what? The journal?” He stood fast, his forehead knotted in confusion, and his chair skidded back across the floor.
“All of it.” Cassie bit the inside of her cheek. “The dating. The journal. I’m not ready for this, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be. You deserve better than some broken widow. I’m sorry, Nick. I’ll see if my mom will type the rest of this up with you, but I can’t hear it, and I can’t be with you.” She bolted out of the kitchen before he could change her mind.
“Cassie, wait!”
Nick’s voice trailed after her as she ducked into her room and closed the door on him.
A loud thump from one of the bedrooms startled Cassie out of her fitful sleep. She jumped out of bed and looked at the alarm clock. Six in the morning. Way too early for someone who tossed and turned until three. She ran into Birdie’s room. The little girl was sleeping peacefully, one arm thrown over her head and the other wrapped around a stuffed dog. Cassie pulled the door shut and knocked on Bobby’s door. When she got no answer, she pushed open the door and found Bobby on the floor, her eyes staring up at the ceiling. Short, shallow breaths wheezed through her lips.