“I’m at my wits’ end with both of you, if you want to know the truth,” she continued. “Bobby is stubborn. She’s refusing to consider even looking at any type of assisted living homes. And you? Well, I spend so many sleepless hours worrying myself to death over how you are coping with everything down here. When a woman loses her husband, no matter what the circumstances, she needs to be around family to heal. I want to help you, but you never let me. Now, here is the perfect opportunity to get you and Bobby together to help each other, and I want to make it work.”
“Basically, you want both of your problems tucked away together so you don’t have to worry about them as much. That’s why you really came here, isn’t it?” Cassie stood up so fast her chair clattered to the floor behind her. She was being unfair to her mother, but she couldn’t help it. Her emotions these days vacillated between apathy and anger and left no room for anything else. “I need to get some air, and Harvey needs a walk. I’m sure Birdie would love to spend some time with you while I’m gone.”
She stomped over to the back door and, even though the spring weather was balmy, she put on the long winter coat that covered up the fact that she was still wearing her robe. She shoved her feet into boots, grabbed Harvey’s leash, and slammed the back door behind her.
Harvey, oblivious to Cassie’s anger, jumped and barked excitedly as she clipped his leash onto his collar and left the yard. She tried to clear her thoughts as he sniffed around the trees in front of the house.
Her mom wasn’t wrong. Memories surrounded her here. Initially, after the accident, the house enveloped her—safe and comforting. But lately, a stifling, trapped feeling had overshadowed that comfort. After all, this wasn’t her real home; they’d only lived here six months before the accident. Henry’s company had transferred him to Madison, Wisconsin temporarily, and it was only supposed to be for a year, so they’d rented the first place they could find with a fenced yard for Harvey. The transfer came with a huge bonus, and after the year was up, they’d planned on moving back to Illinois and buying their own place.
They’d spent hours dreaming about that home. She wanted an old farmhouse on acreage with a barn and fruit trees. Henry wanted a cabin with a pole barn and woods. But the accident changed all that. Luckily, the sympathetic landlord had let her extend the lease month–to–month after the original year–long contract expired.
She rounded the corner in front of her home and stared at the brick bungalow. Unimpressive, it sat too close to the street and lacked the charm of the other houses on the block. She didn’t stay because she liked this house or felt closer to Henry here. She stayed because it was easier to maintain the status quo and keep going through the motions of a bare–bones existence. Wake up, eat, take care of Birdie, sleep, repeat.
Harvey pulled on the leash, excited to go back inside. Cassie saw Birdie peeking out through her bedroom window. She waved excitedly, then spun away; it was the most expression Cassie had seen out of her in months.
How much had she thought of Birdie as she struggled from day to day? How many of her decisions were based on what Birdie needed to thrive versus what she, Cassie, needed to survive? Cassie didn’t like the answers to those questions, so she usually avoided asking them. Her mom had ruined that for her.
She trudged into the house; her mom still sat in the same place at the kitchen table. She turned to Cassie as she entered and raised her hands in the air. “I swear, honey, I didn’t say a word to Birdie, but as soon as you walked out the door, she ran to her room.”
Cassie unclipped Harvey and hung up her coat. “That’s fine. She likes to play in there.”
“She’s not playing, Cass. She’s packing. She must have overheard us talking.”
“Did she…” Cassie trailed off, not wanting to ask the question.
Anna gave her a pitying look. “No, she didn’t talk to me.”
Of course she didn’t. Birdie’s silence was just one more shining example of Cassie’s failure as a parent to help her cope with the accident and loss of her father. She sank into the chair across from Anna, defeated. “What’s your plan?”
Anna grabbed both of Cassie’s hands in hers. “I want to help you pack up and leave. Make a clean break of it, no time to think or change your mind. I’ll help you with everything. I promise I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t think it was best for you. You know I’ve been on you to move back for months.”