“It’s hard to imagine you loving someone else. You and Dido were so happy.”
Bobby smiled sadly. “Yes. I loved your grandfather, but first, I loved Pavlo. I thought we’d be together forever.”
Burned tongue forgotten, Cassie leaned forward to listen.
“When he died, I thought I would die, too. That I could not live without him. But I could. And I did. With all that was going on, I still wonder how I survived. Every day, I got up and made it through until night, then I woke up and did it again.” She closed her eyes, remembering.
“Did Dido know you loved someone before him?”
“He loved another before me, as well. We both understood that loss, and it bonded us.”
Cassie sat back, thinking. Nick didn’t have a connection like that. Or did he? From what she could tell, he seemed to be quite the ladies’ man. She’d be the one bringing all the baggage along. And who would want that?
Bobby spoke, as if reading her mind. “You don’t know his story. And even if it’s very different from yours, it doesn’t matter. My point is, people can move on from loss. You can still have a life, even when you think there’s nothing left, because there is always something to live for. You’ll see. It’s all in that box.”
Cassie mulled over Bobby’s words as Anna breezed back into the room. “Birdie’s all tucked in and almost asleep. So what did I miss? Did he kiss you?”
“Mom! No, he did not kiss me! He was a perfect gentleman.” Cassie blew on the tea in her cup and tried not to wonder what it would have felt like if he had kissed her.
20
KATYA
Ukraine, September 1932
“Bring me my baby!” Alina wailed from her bed.
Mama shook her head. Katya moved away and turned her back on her sister so Alina wouldn’t see Halya in her arms, fast asleep. Her eyes met Kolya’s anguished face before he dropped his head into his hands.
“She’s sleeping, my darling.” Mama spoke softly, trying to soothe Alina. In the past week, as her fever raged, she’d become delusional, speaking of events that happened years ago as if they occurred yesterday and mumbling nonsensical things. Starvation and her weakened body had allowed a vicious illness to take hold. She could only keep down the tiniest bits of food, and her belly swelled up from her emaciated body so that she almost looked pregnant again.
Her desire to feed Halya distressed her more than anything else, though. She cried to feed her baby, but her milk had completely dried up when the collective cut back the food allotments even more. At the moment, Katya was Halya’s sole source of food, and thankfully, she was still producing enough. For now.
“I need to feed Halya,” she cried. “She’s so hungry. I hear her cries all day long.”
“You can’t feed her anymore, Alina,” Mama said firmly. “You have nothing left to give her; you have nothing left for yourself. You’re ill, and your milk is gone.”
“No, no, it’s not. I can feel it flowing from me,” she sobbed, her hands scrabbling at her hollowed chest. “Please, let me feed my baby.”
Mama took Alina’s hands and raised them to her lips. “You can try, but do not be disappointed if it doesn’t work.”
Mama signaled Katya to bring Halya over. Katya’s throat burned as she fought to hold back her tears at the sight of Alina’s devastating descent into oblivion. This had been going on for days, and it was only making things harder on Halya. She, too, wanted to nurse from her mother, but when Alina encouraged her to suckle a breast that had nothing to give, it infuriated the baby. She’d scream and flail against Alina with her little fists, and Alina would sink even deeper into her own world, receding from the pain of not being able to provide what her daughter needed most to survive.
“Do you want to put them through this again?” Katya said to her mother as she placed Halya into Alina’s arms. “It doesn’t end well for either of them.”
Mama ignored her and spoke to Alina. “Daughter, if this does not work today, we will not try it again, do you understand?”
Alina nodded, her eyes fixed zealously on Halya. Katya doubted a word Mama had said registered with her. Despite her misgivings, Katya helped Alina situate the baby with pillows, because her weak arms could no longer support her daughter. Halya roused, eagerly searching for her mother’s breast and the life-giving milk she so desperately needed.
Alina laid her head back, exhausted from the effort of holding it up, and everything was silent for a few moments as Halya’s little mouth worked. Alina could not have produced any milk because she wasn’t eating, but with each second, Katya held her breath, desperately hoping that some miracle would occur, and Alina would suddenly be able to nurture the baby she wanted so desperately to take care of.