“Anything, Mama,” Katya replied. Her voice faltered as she pushed down her fears about her mother’s imminent death. Halya whimpered in her arms, and she swayed her upper body to quiet the child.
“I ask this for her.” Mama reached out and rubbed her hand along Halya’s sunken cheek.
Katya nodded, her mind racing to try to figure out what her mother could possibly want that Katya hadn’t already given. “You know I would do anything for her, Mama.”
“I know, and that’s why I can leave this world certain you’ll do the right thing by marrying Kolya.”
“Marry Kolya?” Katya choked out as she jumped off the bed. “Why would I do that? He’s Alina’s husband. He’s like a brother!”
The sudden movement caused Halya to cry again. Gently shushing her, Katya paced the room.
“I’m sorry, Mama. I can’t do it.” Katya flushed as conflicting feelings bubbled up in her gut. “I’ll do anything else for you, but not that.”
Mama closed her eyes and pressed her lips. “Katya, you must! You must marry him! Soon, you will live here alone with him. It isn’t right.”
“Are you worried about village gossip? Because nobody cares anymore. They’re all dead, deported, or too busy trying to stay alive to worry about whether or not I live with a man I’m not married to.”
“What about Halya? You are the only mother she has now. It’s right that you be with her father. You must do it for her! It’s what family does!” Mama brought her fist down on the bed for emphasis, expending energy she didn’t have to spare.
Katya sat back down next to her mother and leaned close. “Stop worrying, Mama. We’ll be fine.”
Mama stared at her. The blue eyes that had once snapped and sparkled with life now lay in shadows, sunk so deep into her head Katya could barely discern their color. Her heart ached to see this once vibrant woman reduced to such a sad state. Mama’s breath came faster, and she kneaded her breastbone as she wheezed.
“Please, Katya, swear to me you’ll do it. I can’t rest until I know this is taken care of.”
“Fine, Mama, I’ll do it, but please, relax before you make yourself feel worse.” Katya tried to control the panic in her voice. “You have to calm down.”
The sour taste of the words lingered in Katya’s mouth long after they left her lips, but she could no more refuse her mother’s dying wish than she could turn her back on Halya.
With Katya’s promise assured, Mama relaxed into the bed. “She comes to me, you know.”
“Who?” Katya asked, relieved at the change of topic.
“Alina. I see her.” Mama smiled peacefully and closed her eyes.
Katya shivered as she laid a cold cloth on her mother’s burning forehead. She didn’t want to think about what Alina would have to say to her right now.
After a few minutes, Mama fell asleep, and the steady rhythm of her breathing signaled a brief reprieve.
Katya sagged with relief, then opened her shirt and offered her breast to Halya. She was barely producing milk now, but the baby took it, eager for any bit of nourishment. She was nearly a year old now, and she weighed practically nothing, like a feather in Katya’s arms. Her face, wrinkled and wizened, looked like an old woman’s, and her distended belly stuck out grossly over her stick like limbs. Tears welled in Katya’s eyes. She saw her failure in Halya’s pinched countenance, just as she saw it in her mother’s painful demise.
The door blew open, and Kolya came in, stomping his boots and brushing the snow off his coat. His face had thinned, but he could still turn heads. He had the same unruly, sandy blond hair that Pavlo once had, the same high cheekbones, and the same tall, sturdy frame, but his eyes differed. Pavlo’s eyes had combined a beautiful mixture of many colors to make a unique hazel, and easily crinkled into laughter. Kolya’s solid-colored eyes mirrored the deep blue sky. Maybe, in the past, they had crinkled in laughter, but Katya couldn’t remember anymore. Now dull and hollow, they reflected the haunted pain of the losses he’d endured.
Could she love this man as a husband? Maybe she could love the parts of him that reminded her of Pavlo. So many similarities existed between the brothers. If she only focused on those, there might be a chance she could love him.
But the betrayal it would be to Alina and Pavlo made her sick. How could it be right that their deaths led to her and Kolya getting married? Confusion made her head hurt so that she couldn’t think straight.