“What’s the talk about?” Dr. Shapiro asked.
“Elephants.”
Dr. Shapiro straightened up. “It’s not Maxine Das? I just read an article about her new documentary.”
“It is.”
“If I gave you a book, d’you think she’d sign it for me?” Dr. Shapiro suddenly looked girlish. Her frown lines had erased and she reached a hand up to fluff the back of her perfect bob.
Apparently, Jen would be attending Maxine’s talk after all.
“She’d love to,” Jen said.
Dr. Shapiro’s fangirl smile made Jen feel a little more on equal footing, enough so that she circled back around to the real issue.
“So, you don’t think I need to worry?” Jen asked. “About Abe’s being the vandal?”
“You have good instincts,” Dr. Shapiro said. “Trust them.”
It was settled, then.
Jen knew her son.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
“Janine? This list that you typed out summarizing the Pioneer Parenting laws leaves out never mention body/food/weight, especially to girls.”
“That wasn’t in this book, Priya, but the one from last year, does anyone remember the name, it’s going to bug me—”
“The Unconditional Parent.”
“Yes! Thank you. I never figured out how not to mention food. What would you like for dinner, Taylor—oh, I’m sorry, I meant let me just present you wordlessly with this plate of … matter you can put in your mouth and chew.”
“These books are a conspiracy. They want to muddle our minds.”
“Yes, it’s like that quote about giving our children roots and wings. It sounds so great and poetic, but as a practical matter, it’s a recipe for evisceration?”
“Who picked this book?”
“I did and don’t look at me like that. We’re not supposed to take this literally.”
“Roots and wings? I mean, that’s physically impossible. Are the roots retractable? But then they’re not really roots, are they?”
“Deb, what’s in the Pioneer Parent Punch?”
“It’s based on a mulled hard cider. Cloves, cinnamon, and I mixed in a fresh apple puree.”
“Harriet, did you just write down what’s in the punch?”
“Katie, love, can you bring in the other pitcher?”
“Didn’t last year’s mommy guilt book tell us unconditional love was the most important thing? And now it’s ‘make them plow the fields’？”
“I’m telling you, it’s a conspiracy, making us think there’s one right way to do things. Guess what, ladies? There are no rules in life.”
“Well, technically there are. They’re called laws.”
“Who’s conspiring?”
“They are. Them. Society. People.”
“You’re all being too literal. No one is supposed to actually plow a field.”
“Thanks, Katie. Congratulations on the big mock-trial win, by the way.”
“Katie, dear, some more napkins, please.”
“Lena, have you opened the cupcakes yet?”
“Ooooh, they’re so cute. Look at that tiny little pioneer.”
“With his tiny raccoon cap!”
“You know who needs Pioneer Parenting? Our vandal.”
“We should have Laurel look out for him.”
“Laurel? Why Laurel?”
“Sierra told me she’s been running the loop after dinner? We should fasten a GoPro to her head to catch any night activity.”
“She’s not out there at two in the morning.”
“The vandal doesn’t need Pioneer Parenting, ladies, he needs incarceration.”
“The stockades! Jeez, Harriet, don’t write that down. I was joking.”
“Or, and this is a radical thought, maybe we should just ignore him.”
“Seriously, Jen? I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.”
“He hasn’t done anything major, you guys. It’s been a little aggression toward holidays. If this is the best he’s got, I’m not really impressed.”
FEBRUARY
To: “The Best Book Club in the World”
From: [email protected] Happy Month of Love, Ladies!!
The book: ROSA OF KRAKOW, which reviewers have called “moving, lyrical, powerful.” The story of Rosa, a Polish seamstress coming of age in 1939 and torn between three men: her Jewish childhood friend Abel, Gunther, a Cadet in Hitler’s SS Youth—and Gary, an idealistic American Soldier.