She smiles to herself. “I would like that, baby.”
When the hole is full and all of the Brownie blood is cleaned from the floor, the boys stand outside looking like visions of war covered in blood and dirt, smoke from several lit cigarettes curling in the moonlight.
“If you need me,” I start to say to Mom and then realize there’s no way for her to reach me. There are no cell phones on Neverland. No form of communication.
“I’ll be okay, Winnie.” She hugs me and when she pulls back, she says, “Do you want to know a secret?”
“Yes.”
“I wanted to stay too, before they broke my head.”
“Really?”
“I miss the magic.” She closes her eyes, sinks into the memories. “And the—”
“Cloudberries,” I guess.
“Yes.”
“I’ll bring you some next time.”
“And then I’ll make pies and cakes and we’ll have a party.”
“If you’d like.”
Her eyes glaze over again.
“Why don’t you go make yourself some tea and rest?”
“Okay, baby.”
“I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too.” She slips away from me and shuts the door and I stay there on the front porch for a long time trying to decide if I’m making the right decision.
Will she be okay without me?
She loved me fiercely, but her love always hurt.
I don’t know how it feels to be loved the right way or to choose to feel the hurt instead of being forced into it.
Maybe that’s what love really is, at the heart of it—choosing the pain with the pleasure.
I return to the boys. I can tell by their energy that they’re growing inpatient, but they weren’t prepared to rush me.
“I’m ready,” I say.
Peter Pan takes my hand and leads me off into the night, the little box containing his shadow tucked beneath his arm.
EPILOGUE
PETER PAN
What will it feel like, having my shadow back?
It’s been so long that I think I’ve forgotten how it felt to be full and flush with magic. To be able to create anything out of nothing. To feel the island’s beating heart.
I am suddenly desperate for it and terrified of it all at the same time.
We’re back in the loft. Vane is at the bar pouring us all drinks. The twins are on the couch with Darling nestled between them.
I have done a great many terrible things in my life and believing that I can be so lucky to have a great many great things now seems na?ve.
Vane brings the glasses over. He’s chosen an aged whiskey that smells like smokey wood and caramel. I test a sip, relishing the burn.
“We ready for this?” Vane asks as he drops into one of the leather chairs.
“Ready as we’ll ever be, I suspect,” Bash says.
“What does this even look like?” Darling asks. “Like, does it have shape? Or is it just a puff of smoke?”
“It will look exactly like a shadow should,” I admit. “But the real question is, did Tink tether it to something when she put it in the box or will it dart away when we open it?”
“We’ll be ready to spring,” Vane says. “You have our word.”
I take another pull from the glass and set it on the table between us, right next to the little box. There is a single latch on it, no lock.
My heart is beating so hard in my chest, I can feel it in my teeth.
We all take a collective breath as I reach forward and undo the latch, putting my fingers to the lid.
We’re all leaning forward now, the anticipation, the excitement a palpable thing.
This is it, this is what I’ve been waiting for.
I push open the lid…
…and two shadows leap out.
I hope you enjoyed this dark, twisted version of Neverland and the characters who inhabit it. I loved writing Winnie Darling. She’s fierce and blunt and she’s not afraid to go after what she wants.
If you want to return to Neverland with Winnie, be sure to pre-order book two.