She reached in her pocketbook and removed a bundle of letters held together with string, the envelopes old and slightly yellowed.
“These are the letters that Noah wrote you. I never threw them away, and they haven’t been opened. I know I shouldn’t have kept them from you, and I’m sorry for that. But I was just trying to protect you. I didn’t realize . . .”
Allie took them and ran her hand over them, shocked.
“I should go, Allie. You’ve got some decisions to make, and you don’t have much time. Do you want me to stay in town?”
Allie shook her head. “No, this is up to me.” Anne nodded and watched her daughter for a moment, wondering. Finally she stood, went around the table, leaned over, and kissed her daughter on the cheek. She could see the question in her daughter’s eyes as Allie stood from the table and embraced her.
“What are you going to do?” her mother asked, pulling back. There was a long pause.
“I don’t know,” Allie finally answered. They stood together for another minute, just holding each other.
“Thanks for coming,” Allie said. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
On her way out the door, Allie thought that she heard her mother whisper, “Follow your heart,” but she couldn’t be sure.
Crossroads
Noah opened the door for Anne Nelson as she went out.
“Good-bye, Noah,” she said quietly. He nodded without speaking. There wasn’t anything else to say; they both knew that. She turned from him and left, closing the door behind her. Noah watched her walk to her car, get in, and drive away without looking back. She was a strong woman, he thought to himself, and he knew where Allie got it from.
Noah peeked in the living room, saw Allie sitting with her head down, then went to the back porch, knowing that she needed to be alone. He sat quietly in his rocker and watched the water drifting by as the minutes passed.
After what seemed like an eternity he heard the back door open. He didn’t turn to look at her just then—for some reason he couldn’t—and he listened as she sat in the chair beside him.
“I’m sorry,” Allie said. “I had no idea this would happen.”
Noah shook his head. “Don’t be sorry. We both knew it was coming in some form or another.”
“It’s still hard.”
“I know.” He finally turned to her, reaching for her hand. “Is there anything I can do to make it easier?”
She shook her head. “No. Not really. I have to do this alone. Besides, I’m not sure what I’m going to say to him yet.” She looked down and her voice became softer and a little more distant, as if she were talking to herself. “I guess it depends on him and how much he knows. If my mother was right, he may have suspicions, but he doesn’t know anything for sure.”
Noah felt a tightness in his stomach. When he finally spoke his voice was steady, but she could hear the pain in it.
“You’re not going to tell him about us, are you?” “I don’t know. I really don’t. While I was in the living room, I kept asking myself what I really wanted in my life.” She squeezed his hand. “And do you know what the answer was? The answer was that I wanted two things. First, I want you. I want us. I love you and I always have.”
She took a deep breath before going on.
“But I also want a happy ending without hurting anyone. And I know that if I stayed, people would be hurt. Especially Lon. I wasn’t lying when I told you that I love him. He doesn’t make me feel the same way you do, but I care for him, and this wouldn’t be fair to him. But staying here would also hurt my family and friends. I would be betraying everyone I know.
…I don’t know if I can do that.”
“You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.”
“I know,” she said, “but no matter what I choose I have to live with it. Forever. I have to be able to go forward and not look back anymore. Can you understand that?”
He shook his head and tried to keep his voice steady. “Not really. Not if it means losing you. I can’t do that again.”
She didn’t say anything but lowered her head. Noah went on:
“Could you really leave me without looking back?”
She bit her lip as she answered. Her voice was beginning to crack. “I don’t know. Probably not.”
“Would that be fair to Lon?”