And then it was done. He had withheld nothing, had fully shamed himself in front of this beast—and felt no better for it.
The killer’s eyes brimmed with unshed tears. “You’re a torn man, Dave. You’re all torn up and hurting, and I sorrow to see it. You and me had self-control problems, we sure did, best to fess up to it. Make no excuses. That’s the way. Now we got no one, neither of us, me cut and sure to die in prison, you all torn up and still tearing at yourself. It’s a hard road we been on, Dave, a hard damn road. What worries me, Dave, because you’re my friend, maybe my only friend in the whole world, so what worries me is the way you won’t let go of this Emily. She’s gone wherever, but you won’t let go, and that’s not healthy. You can only tear at yourself so long, and then one day you just fall apart. The way you won’t let this go, Dave, I think you’re falling apart, and I sorrow about that.”
David didn’t interrupt. He waited for Jessup to wind down. It took a while. Then he said, “In addition to the twenty-seven, there were two others you didn’t confess to. They’re dead.”
“Just what I said.”
“Who were they?”
“Neither of them poor souls were your Emily.”
“Who were they?” David insisted. “If you want one more dollar from me, answer my questions.”
Jessup nodded. “Tit for tat. Tit for tat. We had us a tit-for-tat understanding. Old Ronny keeps his word. They was my first two, Dave. Children. A little boy, a littler girl. It felt all wrong. It weren’t right, and it weren’t fun enough. So I stopped for a while, till I figured out what would be better. If this was known by the bad men in here, I would’ve been cut dead long ago. In here, no one ranks lower on the totem pole than us misguided souls who did little children, no matter how we regret it. You now got my life in your hands, Dave. I trust you’ll keep my secret, like I’ll keep yours about how you humped the movie star while maybe Emily was dying.”
Too exhausted for anger and many years beyond a capacity for self-righteousness, David merely said, “Were there any others?”
“Only them two. Like I told.”
“You’re sure there’s no one you forgot?”
“Only a few names, Dave. Some faces. But I remember the number right enough. The number torments me, all the damage I done, all the families whose hearts I broke. Did Emily have a family?”
“Just her mother.”
“You ever tell her mom how you was drilling the movie star when Emily was on the road alone?”
David took a deep breath, and his chest ached with the inflow.
“No. I didn’t. I couldn’t.”
“You should, Dave. You should tell her mom. One thing I learned is it feels good to confess and all. You confess, have a good cry together, and then it’s all behind you. Tell her mom, Dave, and then you won’t keep forever tearing at yourself about it.”
| 66 |
The white bird had flown from the high window.
Gathering up the photos to put them away, David had a final question for Ronny Lee Jessup. “Were there any women who escaped?”
“Not from the house, not how tight I built my playground.”
“I mean when you tried to abduct them.”
“Two. One got clean away. But I wore a mask, so she couldn’t describe me. She looked juicy. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, how juicy wet she would be. You know how it is. She looked sort of like your movie star. I bided my time, went back six months later, and got her good the second time.”
“What about the other one?”
Jessup grimaced. “She were a nasty bitch. It’s unkind to say, but true. She weren’t no lady. Before I could use chloroform, she had this pry bar she swung at me, broke a couple ribs. Pissed me off. Old Ronny used to have a temper when some bitch fought back. I’m not proud of that, but it’s the honest truth. Her and me got into it hard and fast, and I had to knife her a few times. After that, she weren’t worth bringing home.”
“You left her for dead?”
“I didn’t leave her for dead. She were dead already.”
“When was this?”
“Long ago. I never kept no diary, Dave.”
“Could it have been ten years ago?”
The gravity of sadness drew Jessup’s features long. “Farther back than ten, I think. I kept at the game twenty years. I wish I could say ten, wish I could tell you it were your special girl, so you’d be at peace.” As David was about to slide the last of the ten photos into the envelope, Jessup said, “Wait. Show me her again.”