“Can’t what?”
“Any of that.” I gulped in a deep breath. Why did it feel like there was no oxygen in this room? “Dan and I have the same rule.”
“You’re not allowed to make out with bridesmaids, either?”
How could he be calm enough to make a joke? I felt like my heartbeat was never going to return to normal. “I don’t date guys I meet at weddings. It’s a rule I have.”
He lay back, putting his hands behind his head, the picture of ease. “Rules are made to be broken.”
“Or they’re made to be kept.” I needed to keep this one. Not just because I had to be an example to my employees, but because at the core of my relationship with Camden I was lying to him and I was always aware of this fact. It wasn’t fair to him.
Because I knew, I just knew, that if we kissed we’d be crossing a line we couldn’t uncross. I could only imagine his face when I told him the truth about my relationship with Sadie. That he’d repeatedly questioned me about my life and I’d lied to him about it again and again. How betrayed he’d feel.
But it would be different if there were no romantic feelings involved. He might be hurt, but it would be so much less.
At this moment, friendship was all I had to offer him. Because it had become ridiculously clear to me that I wasn’t going to be able to stay away from him. “I can be friends. Nothing more.”
He didn’t seem all that perturbed by my announcement, which did bother me. Shouldn’t he put up even a little bit of a fight? “You know we’ve already met each other’s parents. We’re like, at Step 12 in our relationship.”
“We’re not even at Step 1,” I told him.
“I don’t think you’re right about that,” he said, but then he didn’t push the matter. “So if we met somewhere besides a wedding, you’d go out with me?”
I wanted to date him now, even though I knew how badly it would all end up. “It’s not just wedding guests. I haven’t really dated anyone in a while.”
“Because of work?” He asked this like it was a totally reasonable explanation, and I supposed in a way it was. I could have agreed and kept that part of myself hidden.
But I wanted him to know. “No. My dating karma hasn’t been great. I figure in a previous life I caused a lot of damage that I’m paying for now. Like I must have been like a CrossFit instructor or Mussolini or something.”
“I think I’ve said this before, but I find that hard to believe.”
Crossing my arms, I warded off the chill I was feeling. “So does my mother. But if I’m being really honest . . .” My heart warned me not to do it, thudding hard so that I’d stay silent. “I find it hard to trust men.”
At that Camden sat up. He patted the bed next to him and I understood his invitation. It was drawing me closer, but letting me know that I had nothing to fear from him.
“Do you mind if I ask why?”
Debating within myself, I walked to the edge of the bed. I’d just decided to join him and try to explain when there was a knock at the door.
“Room service,” Camden said, swinging his legs off the bed and padding over to the door. He wisely checked the peephole before letting the hotel staffer into our room. The scent of fried food hit me hard and my stomach grumbled. Camden took care of signing for the bill while I reached for my tray, lifting off the lid. I wasn’t sure what to eat first, but the cheeseburger looked delicious so I chose that.
Camden handed over the little folder and the staffer wished us a good night and let himself out. Camden grabbed his tray and sat next to me on the bed.
He picked up one of his french fries. “The sweet smell of heart disease,” he said, before popping it into his mouth.
“Don’t tell me you like to eat healthy.” At his expression I pressed on. “Are you the kind of guy who loves avocado toast?”
“What’s wrong with avocado toast?”
I started laughing, not able to help myself.
He tried to frown at me, but it quickly turned into a smile. “Does that mean you don’t eat healthy?”
“Well, there’s this”—I gestured to the food next to me on the bed—“and the four chocolate chip cookies and six s’mores I ate before this, so feel free to draw your own conclusion.”
He watched me attack my burger, while he absentmindedly ate a fry here and there. “You enjoy eating.”
“Doesn’t everyone?” It was one of the best things about being alive.