She wasn’t wrong, no matter how much I tried to deny it. “It doesn’t matter if I do.”
“Of course it matters!” she protested.
“I don’t believe in boyfriends and I have to stay true to my beliefs,” I said. It was something I’d jokingly said to her before, but now it just felt weak and inadequate.
Because after last night . . . things couldn’t be the same. Like he’d said, something had changed. That connection, the one that had been there since the beginning even though I’d denied it, felt so strong now. It was as if I’d known him and liked him for years. I didn’t know how I was going to walk away from him once this was all over. Sadie and Dan were getting married tomorrow and I was catching a red-eye right after. That would be it.
She put her hands over her face before sliding them down slowly. “I blame your mother for this. Not every guy you meet has to become something more serious.”
That was what she didn’t understand. I wanted that something more with Camden and I couldn’t figure out a way to make it happen without betraying his trust. “If I kiss him, then I’ve done something wrong.”
“Why? You’re not going to see him again.”
“It’s not a matter of seeing him again, it’s a matter of integrity. I wouldn’t want to get involved physically with someone that I was lying to. If I keep things platonic, then it doesn’t matter.”
She looked annoyed. “It matters if you missed out on something great.”
“Great? He exercises, I don’t. He likes being outside, you know I’m basically allergic to the sun. He eats avocado toast on purpose and I don’t need to explain to you how I eat.” Whether this was to convince her or me that there was no future here, I wasn’t sure.
“From an outsider’s perspective, who is getting information from all sides, I can see the things the two of you have in common, the shared interests, and how well you seem to get along. You and I have been doing this for a long time and I think you know as well as I do that what this all boils down to is do you like being together, do you want the same things, and are you interested in each other’s lives?”
Everything about Camden fascinated me and last night I’d happily listened to his half-hour-long story about what training for the Olympics had been like, and could have listened to him for hours more. “Other than his loyalty to Ohio State, yes.” To all of her questions.
She looked far too satisfied with herself. “I don’t even have to ask if the physical connection is there, because anybody can see that.”
True.
Krista continued, “I’m not sure what your whole denial thing is about, but you like him. What you choose to do with that information is up to you, but know that I’m here for you.” She stood up. “Now, should we get out there and say good morning to the sun?”
I didn’t have it in me to tell her that I’d already had that experience once this morning and nothing else could compare.
I made a quick appearance at the yoga session, explained my outfit change the way I’d said I would, and got back to my room. I set an alarm and then crashed hard, a dreamless sleep that was difficult to wake up from. I refused to let myself think about how Camden’s half of the bed still smelled like him. If questioned, I never would have admitted that I slept on that side so that in a small way it was like he was still there with me.
Our spa day was pretty typical and something I’d experienced in many wedding parties. Sadie seemed happy and bright, which was my only goal. To make sure that expression stayed put.
I enjoyed my facial, my massage, and the pedicure that took off so much dead skin that I might have gone down an actual shoe size.
Afterward we were free to spend the day how we wanted, until the bachelorette party that evening. It should have been my job to plan it, but the hotel wanted her to have it at their bar and she had agreed.
The only instruction she’d given me was to keep away from anything that might seem tacky or low-class. She’d said to me, “I grew up poor, feeling like I was always being judged. I want this to be above reproach. I mean, trolls are always going to find fault, but my brand is aspirational. It should be more elegant and refined. No strippers, no anatomical cakes or balloons. Just us having a good time.”
It was her day and anything she wanted was fine by me. I’d gotten in touch with the hotel before we’d even flown to Hawaii and they had assured me they were going to take care of everything, including the food. All we had to do was show up.