They’ve been through something together now. They already matter to each other.
Carly slips the bag of food in her backpack. She picks up my guitar case with her free hand.
“Wait,” I say. “What—”
“Don’t worry about it,” Margo says.
“It has a little crack,” Carly tells me. “From when you fell. Nothing to worry about.”
There were splinters in the dirt. Was that now, or was it then? I try to remember, but my thoughts feel like wadded up fishing line. “It’s broken?”
“Oh, sweets. It’ll be alright,” Margo says, trying to coax me from panic. “We called the guitar store. They fix these things all the time.”
Carly nods. “I’m taking it over now.”
I look around the room for my bag. “My wallet—I can give you—”
“Shush.” Margo shakes her head. “It’s taken care of.”
“We got you, Pilgrim. I promise.” Carly looks me in the eyes to show me she means it. “I’ll see you all tonight.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, trying not to cry.
Carly is careful to keep from banging my guitar case on the doorframe as she leaves. We hear her boots clomping down the hallway, then she shouts, “Hey, half-caff, double espresso!”
Another voice says, “Hey, tattooed coffee girl!” And then he walks into my room wearing a striped knit hat with earflaps and fingerless gloves like the ones I used to have. He looks ridiculous. He looks good. He looks really, really good.
“Angel,” he says. “Oh my god!”
I don’t know how I thought I’d make it through the rest of my life without hearing him call me Angel again. His voice is a vital need; like blood or air or water when there hasn’t been enough.
Carly pokes her head back in the room, wrinkling her forehead. “Wait! How do you guys know each other?”
“Ethan,” I say, through tears. “It’s Ethan.”
And she’s read my letters. She understands.
“I’m Carly.”
Ethan claps his hand to his mouth. “Oh my god! You are, aren’t you? All this time, all that coffee… I had no idea. It’s so good to know you.”
“This is wild! How did you end up here?” Carly asks.
“April convinced me I belonged in Ithaca,” Ethan says. “I’m teaching at the college.”
“No way! I love this! I’m so glad you’re you!” Carly says. “I’m late for work, but I’m bringing dinner tonight. You’ll stay?”
“Not going anywhere,” he tells her, and I like the sound of that so much.
“Later!” Carly yells as she leaves again.
Ethan sits on the bed and hugs me so hard I think my stitches will burst.
“How are you here?” I ask. I never even let myself believe I’d see him again.
“How could I not be?” he says, taking off his gloves. He grabs Margo’s hand and gives it a squeeze. She must have tracked him down.
“I’m going to check on the baby,” Margo says. I know she’s giving us time to talk.
“I lied,” I say to Ethan. “And I left you.”
“And I love you anyway,” Ethan says.
“You shouldn’t.” I cry and it shakes my scar and makes me cry harder.
“You don’t get to decide that,” he says.
“I don’t deserve you.”
“When…” Ethan sobs. It takes him a minute to get his voice back. “When are you going to get it through your thick little head that there is nothing you could do to make me stop loving you?” He wipes his face with the back of his hand. “Stop trying already, okay? I know you.” He hugs me and talks into my shoulder, muffled and warm. “Everything else is noise and words. I know your heart. Always, okay?”
“Always,” I say. The collar of my hospital gown is soaked. I want to ask him about Robert. I want to know what happened after I left. If he’s mad. If he hates me. If maybe he’ll still want to meet Max someday. “I didn’t know how to make it right. I couldn’t—”
“I know,” Ethan says. “Robert knows. Once you escape this hospital we can give him a call. We’ll figure it out.”
“I am so sorry,” I say.
“I am so happy to see you again.” He pulls the hat from his head and the static electricity turns his hair into a halo.
I laugh.
“I’m not used to all this bundling up,” he says, smiling back.