“That was me. Now I’m a very serious domestic situational family man.”
“Uh huh. Well,” I let my eyes drop to his ass. “Don’t sell yourself short, Welch. You’ve still got a very nice butt.”
A slow grin spreads over his face.
“I’m sure plenty of women admired the view when you walked away.”
Eli’s smile disappears briefly before he shakes his head and chuckles.
“You say we’re good, but you’re intent on giving me hell to the bitter end, aren’t you?”
“I didn’t drag you out here.”
“Bakers Man!” the baby proclaims at the top of his lungs in the hunt for attention as my Dad walks out of the sliding glass door, his eyes zeroed on Peyton.
“There you are, my boy,” he says, claiming him from my arms.
“I was just about to change him, Daddy.”
“I’ll take care of it. We have work to do, don’t we, grandson?”
“Mep,” Peyton agrees as Dad pulls him back inside and shuts the door leaving me alone with the blue-eyed devil. Glancing back at Eli, I see his eyes light.
“Deciding on whether or not to face me without your human shield?”
“I’m not afraid of you.” I turn to face him, flirtatiously rolling my eyes over him as he finishes stretching. “I can take you.”
“Maybe if you try hard enough.” He bites his lip, turns, and continues stretching for his run.
“Careful out there. There might be a cliff waiting for you to fly off.”
“Want me to find one, Whitney?” He asks softly.
Yes.
No.
Why does he have to look so good?
When I remain silent, expectancy fills the air as he flashes me the look. That look, the look that tells a woman precisely what a man’s thinking. In his eyes, I see us sweat-soaked and moaning. Instantaneously, the butterflies swarm me, and I flick the beautiful bastards away like the nuisance they are as Eli’s lips lift in victory.
“Stop looking at me like that.”
He shrugs. “Only returning the vibe.”
“I’m still attracted to you. I won’t deny it,” I take another step forward. “Tell me something, Eli.”
“Sure.”
“Are you enjoying yourself here? Having a good time?”
His eyes rake over me. “At the moment, immensely.”
“Good,” I nod, closing the space between us and looking directly up at him. “You know, it took me a really long time to get over you.”
He frowns at the sudden shift in conversation, his eyes widening at my confession.
“I cried, oh, Eli, how I fucking cried for months. I spent the summer torturing my parents with worry. Serena had to drag me out of bed.”
His expression falters completely.
“I sobbed the first time I had sex with another man. He sent me packing. It was humiliating.”
Eli sobers entirely.
“Whitney, I—”
“The one and only time my brother ever really yelled at me was when I couldn’t get my shit together, and he had no idea why, but I knew.”
“Jesus, I’m—”
“Yeah, you’re sorry. I heard you, but the thing is, the people you’re breaking bread with tonight are the people you really need to apologize to because they went through hell to get me back.”
He repeatedly swallows as I turn and leave him there.
She obliterated me, utterly and completely obliterated me.
How in the hell can I possibly come back from that?
Feet crunching in the snow-covered field, I do my best to try to temper the sting zinging around my chest.
I cried, oh, Eli, how I fucking cried, for months.
Her confessions echo through my racing mind as I extend myself in an attempt to try and outrun them.
I sobbed the first time I had sex with another man. He sent me packing. It was humiliating.
“Fuck,” I shout, skidding to a stop, my chilled breath coming out in a fog as sweat freezes on my skin. Guilt consumes me as I admit defeat and know I can run for the next year, and I still wouldn’t be able to escape it.
I knew this would be hard. I knew she would be tough to get through to, but that? That was fucking brutal.
The worst part? I deserved it.
How can this be so painful after so long? How can this old guilt still feel so raw?
I could have told her I lost my shit when she walked away. I could have confessed how hard it was for me to even think about moving on with anyone else, but I was the cause.
Shredded, I pull my cell from my pants and send out an SOS.