It takes a moment for it to sink in.
“So, if I hadn’t been kidnapped along with Ned, if I’d been left behind, I would have been killed by Amos Kerrigan?”
“Yes. Carl said that he would keep you and Ned for two weeks and that when they were up, he would need you to tie up all the ends. After that, you’d be free. He told me to book my flight, saying that he had it all in hand, that there was no reason for me to stay. But I couldn’t leave you with Carl. Lina had been the love of his life, they were planning to marry, have children, and her death had affected him to the point where I barely knew him. He was so full of anger, and I was worried that he’d treat you the same as Ned. So, I told him I’d help with the kidnapping, and stay around to see it through. I don’t expect you to understand, or forgive what we did—”
“Don’t worry, I won’t,” I say, cutting him off. “How do you think I feel, knowing that I was kidnapped so that Mr. Smith, whoever he is, could get away with murder?” Once again, I can’t keep the bitterness from my voice. “Was it worth it, everything that was done to protect the foundation?”
“Not from where I’m standing, no.”
“Was it you who delivered Ned to Mr. Smith?”
“No, it was Carl. He took Ned to the clifftop and told him that someone would come and collect him.”
“Your murder was in the newspaper. Was that down to Mr. Smith too?”
“Yes. We needed to make it seem real, in case anyone checked.”
“You could have told me,” I say. “Once we were at the house in Haven Cliffs, you could have told me the truth. If you had explained what Carl was doing, let me in on it, I could still have backed up the story about Ned and me going away for a break, and I could have spent those two weeks in one of the bedrooms upstairs instead of in a pitch-black room on a mattress, thinking I might die at any moment.”
“I know, and I’m sorry, sorrier than you can believe.” He tries to walk toward me but I hold the plank of wood up higher and he steps back again. “But Carl didn’t trust you. He said that if you saw our faces, you might go to the police once you were released.”
“But you could have trusted me.”
“I was supposed to be dead. And I didn’t know how you would feel about what we were doing.”
“You knew I hated Ned.”
“Most people who hate someone don’t want them dead. Morally, I think you would have struggled, knowing what was going to happen to him.”
“I saw him kill Lina, that was enough to remove any moral obligation I might have felt.”
“If I’d known that you’d witnessed her murder, I would never have put you through something so brutal,” he says quietly.
“She threatened to expose Ned, she told him she had recordings of the women he’d abused.” I pause. “Where is Carl? Shouldn’t he be here, trying to excuse his behavior, like you?”
“I’m not trying to excuse my behavior.” There’s an edge to his voice. “I had a choice, go or stay. I stayed and now I have to live with the consequences of that choice.”
Heat rises to my cheeks. He had stayed because he didn’t want to leave me with Carl.
“I don’t see Carl,” he goes on. “I haven’t seen him since he came back from the memorial service. Finding out how Lina had died—it was hard for him. He went to stay with our mum for a bit but then he took himself off. I don’t know if, or when, I’ll see him again. For the moment, I need the distance.” He nods at the piece of wood I’m still holding. “I don’t suppose you’d like to put that down?”
I don’t want to give him anything, but I let the piece of wood fall to the floor.
“Is it okay if I sit?”
“Yes—but stay where you are.”
He sits down in the doorway, draws his legs up, rests his elbows on his knees.
“Can I ask you something?” he says.
“Go on.”
“Why did you marry Ned?”
I can’t lie, it would make me as bad as him. “For money. I married him for one hundred thousand pounds.”
“Wow,” he says softly. “You sold yourself for a hundred thousand.”
The judgment stings. “Don’t you dare,” I retaliate. “You’ve done far worse things. What happened to the journalist?”
“What journalist?”
“The one Ned asked you to find out about—you know, the woman who dared ask about the sexual assault charge during the press interview? Sally something? Is she dead?”