I rinsed the bowl, thinking about what Mom had said. Dealing with my problems.
The last couple days brought me clarity.
I didn’t want a million dollars. I wanted Devon.
And I was tired of running away from whoever was after me. I needed Devon to help me with that.
Yes, I finally realized I needed help. I couldn’t do this on my own. And strangely enough, it didn’t feel too terrible admitting that to myself. Maybe I was growing up from the girl Mr. Locken had left to bleed out all those years ago.
The front door opened and shut, and the house filled with my dad’s whistles.
John Penrose could whistle any song that came out between 1967 and 2000 from start to finish. He was good at it too. When Persy and I were young, we’d play name that tune. Sometimes I let her win. But not often.
“Honeys, I’m home!”
He appeared in the kitchen, tall and broad and still kind of handsome—in a more wrinkled less defined Harrison Ford kind of way. He dropped canvas bags full of lemons on the counter next to me, grinning at me ear to ear.
“Hello, sunshine.”
He pressed a kiss to my forehead, hiked his belt up what was beginning to look like a dad bod more than a father figure belly, and swung the fridge door open, on the hunt for his evening beer. “Where’s your momma?”
“Out.” I leaned against the counter, drying my hands with a towel. I didn’t tell him where she went. To this day, I withheld information about my mother from my father, trying to make her appear more mysterious and alluring. There was little point to this exercise. She was an open book to him—always honest, straightforward, and available.
She was all the things I didn’t want to be. He never questioned her love for him.
Dad closed the fridge, popping open his Bud Light, settling against the opposite counter.
“What’s up, kiddo? How’s that baby growing?” He took a pull of his beer.
Fix it, Mom’s voice urged in my head.
Here went nothing and its best friend nada.
“You cheated on Mom.”
The words came out so mundane, so plain, I’d laugh at how easy it was to say them. The smile on my father’s face remained intact.
“’xcuse me?”
“You cheated on Mom,” I repeated, suddenly feeling my pulse everywhere. My neck, my wrists, behind my eyelids, in my toes. “Don’t try to deny it. I saw you.”
“You saw me?” Dad put his beer down on the counter, folding his arms across his chest, ankles crossed. “When and where, if I may ask? We don’t exactly hang in the same circles.”
He sounded amused more than he was worried, but there was no trace of aggression in his voice.
“In yours and Mom’s bed. A lady with dark red hair. I mean, I say a lady, but what I really mean is a skank. Back in Southie.”
And just like that, the blood drained from his face.
He looked pale. Grave. Scared.
“Emmabelle,” he breathed. “That was …”
“Fifteen years ago,” I finished for him. “Yeah.”
“How …？”
“Came home early from school and walked in on you. I didn’t tell you because I was scared. But I saw her on top of you. I heard you whisper her name. And I never forgot. So tell me, Dad, how’s Sophia doing these days?”
Sophia.
The woman I was sure I saw in supermarkets and parks and on the escalators at Target. The harlot who ruined my parents’ marriage without my mom even knowing about it. Some nights, as I’d lain awake in my bed, I thought I could murder her. Other nights I wondered what made her the way she was. What made her seek pleasure with an unavailable man.
“I …” He looked around him now, seeming lost all of a sudden, like we’d just been transported back to the room where it happened. “I don’t know. I haven’t been in touch with her in years. Years.”
He reached behind him to grab the counter and knocked his beer down on the floor. The glass bottle broke, yellow-white liquid running like a golden river between us.
“How many years?” I asked.
“Fifteen!”
“Don’t lie to me, John.”
“Ten.” He closed his eyes, swallowing hard. “I haven’t seen her in ten years.”
He’d been with her until I was twenty-one.
This wasn’t a fling. It was an affair. Of course it was. He wouldn’t have brought his fling over to his house.
“Why?” I asked.
I wanted to know what was missing in his life. Mom was gorgeous, loyal, and sweet. Persy and I were good kids. Sure, we had stuff, everyone had stuff—money issues, Mom losing her sister to cancer, those sorts of things. Life things. Things we went through together.