It was going to be a pleasure to put a baby inside this woman.
“Not sure about yours, but mine is already not exactly sane,” I said impassively, removing lint from my peacoat. “Jokes aside, I’m in my early forties. You’re in your thirties. We’re both the most independently accomplished individuals out of our group of friends. Everyone else around us has inherited or married into their positions. No one could look down on this arrangement.”
“I’d look down on it.” Belle popped a crisp into her mouth and chewed on it thoughtfully. “It’d complicate things for me. A sperm donor would have no claim over my child. I wouldn’t have to ask them permission to do anything. What school to send them to, how to raise them, how to dress them. The control would be all mine. I don’t like relinquishing power.”
“Sweets.” I pulled out a rollie from the tin box in my pocket and pushed it between my lips, lighting it up. “Very little in your life is in your power. Pretending otherwise sets yourself up for heartbreak. If you truly don’t want to play by mortals’ rules, tie your destiny to mine.”
“You’re not supposed to smoke in here, ass face.” She dropped the half-eaten burger on her plate, turning to watch the bartender intently to see what he’d do.
“Reality dictates otherwise.” I could take a shite right there on the bar and no one would bat an eyelash. I turned to look at the bartender, puffing a plume of smoke directly in his face.
“Isn’t that right, Brian?” I hissed.
“Ay, my lord, and it’s Ryland.” He bowed his head.
Belle cocked her head, regarding me skeptically. “What’s the trick here?”
“There’s no trick. Respect is given to those born into it.”
“Is this your selling point, Einstein? Because no part of me wants a spawn as condescending and spoiled as you.”
Smirking cordially—we both saw past this rubbish—I said, “Name your price.”
“Stop calling her ‘it’ for starters.”
“How do you know you’d be having a girl?” I was highly amused. I did not think of Emmabelle as an emotional, dream-filled female. You live, you learn.
“I just do.”
“Well?” I asked curtly. “Are we going to make the most genetically gifted person on planet Earth or what?”
Belle stood up, grabbed her secondhand designer bag, and flipped me the bird. “Or what. Find another woman to be your womb for hire. I’m going out to drink until this conversation erases itself from my conscience. No way it deserves any room in my gray matter.”
She departed, leaving me with the bill, an idea I was becoming enamored with, and a cell phone with a dozen missed calls from England and one frustrated Allison Kosinki who’d been waiting outside my apartment for the better half of the evening in high heels, a coat, and nothing else … waiting to get fucked.
Bugger.
Fourteen Years Old.
First crush.
That’s what they call it.
Now I’m starting to understand why.
It feels like I’m crashing into the ocean.
Not cannonballing either. More like slamming into it horizontally. You know, when breaking the surface feels like hitting concrete.
It hurts like a bitch.
Hurts to look at his brown eyes. The way they zing when our stares meet across the hallway or in class.
Hurts when he lets out a laugh, and I feel it rattling my bones, and then I feel his happiness spreading in my body, warm and sticky, like it’s honey.
Hurts when I see other girls talk to him, and I just want to grab them by the shoulders and SCREAM that he is mine. Because he is. That’s why he saves those smiles and looks and cocked eyebrows just for me.
I don’t know if it’s normal to feel this way. Like this one guy holds the key to my moods.
The weird part is … this is so not me. I’m not boy crazy. I’m more like … I don’t know, a crazy boy.
A tomboy. A scallywag. Always up to no good. Pulling pranks, climbing trees, begging Mom to let me stay out and play a few more minutes before dinner. This is my first encounter with feelings that have nothing to do with my family.
I’ve never had a crush before. So I can’t tell if it’s okay to feel this way. Like he is carrying my heart in his pocket.
One thing is for sure.
Ninth grade is going to be a long year.
Because the person I’m crushing on?
Well, it’s Mr. Locken, my coach.
A little over a decade ago, my sister Persy, my best friend Sailor, Aisling, and I were at a charity ball, hosted by the Fitzpatricks.