‘Aleisha?’
Oh fuck.
Aleisha turned around slowly, trying to be casual, trying to plaster a natural smile on her face. Really, she just wanted the ground below her to open up and suck her in.
‘You actually work here?’ Mia’s face communicated her confusion, but her tone made it doubly clear.
‘Hey, Mia! How are you? Yeah, what you doing here?’
‘Just studying for my last exam next week. I know you told us girls you were working here since your exams ended, but I didn’t actually believe it.’ Mia smirked, like Aleisha’s job was the funniest joke in the world. In that moment, Aleisha hated her.
But she giggled awkwardly, acting as though she was in on the same joke, laughing at her own expense. She hadn’t seen Mia since her own last exam in the middle of May, over a month ago – they’d not exchanged a word after. She certainly didn’t think of herself as one of ‘us girls’ any more. The WhatsApp group was now the only sign that they’d ever been connected to one another. She wondered what it would be like in September, thrown back at school. Would they be the ‘best of friends’ again? Would they never speak again?
Mia’s textbooks were scattered all over the desk.
‘That looks like more than one exam’s worth of stuff.’ Aleisha nodded her head towards the table: a distraction technique.
‘I want a head start too. Not long before uni applications, I don’t want to be playing catch-up.’
‘Yeah I get you.’ Aleisha nodded, her eyes darting around the library, looking for an excuse to leave. ‘I’d better go. It looks like someone needs me.’ She bobbed her head in the direction of the front desk where a kid of about ten was preparing to ring the bell. Kyle was making his way over too – Aleisha caught his eye and shooed him back.
‘Hey,’ Aleisha waved her arms at the kid. ‘I’m here.’ She marched to the desk, settled herself into her chair and put her game face on. ‘How can I help?’
‘I want to take a book out.’
‘Any one in particular?’
‘I don’t know. Can you recommend me one?’
Aleisha rolled her eyes. Here we go again. But she could feel Mia watching her, and she kept a wide smile: Good Librarian Mode in full force.
Mia didn’t leave quickly. She stayed for hours. Long enough to see Aidan walk in with a Tesco carrier bag of lunch for Aleisha. She spotted her friend’s ears prick up at her brother’s voice. Mia had always had a crush on Aidan; all Aleisha’s friends did.
‘Hey, Leish,’ Aidan said, wandering up to her. ‘What you doing?’ He pointed his carrier bag at her as she leant back in her seat reading Rebecca. Seeing as Mr Patel had read To Kill a Mockingbird in two days flat, she’d had to recommend him Rebecca before she’d even finished it herself. In a panic, not wanting to be caught out again, she’d called up during Lucy’s shift later the next day to reserve The Kite Runner, Life of Pi, Pride and Prejudice, Little Women, Beloved and A Suitable Boy. The whole list. The books were piled up on her desk, ready to be taken home.
Lucy had squealed down the phone. ‘Aleisha! You’re reading a big old load of books, are you?!’ And right on cue, the library assistant embarked on her favourite story about her kids becoming readers. ‘Honestly, trust me, even if you think storybooks can do nothing for you, it just really opens up your world a little bit, my dear. Look at my Hannah, she’s a big business lady now and she always says she got her focus from this place. Those textbooks you read for school and stuff can teach you a fair amount, but novels teach you so much more! My little ones became readers here, babe,’ she said for the trillionth time. ‘So happy you’re doing it too! Especially after all your whingeing.’
She was pleased for the protection the book gave her today, something to hide behind. But she still felt stupid, with Mia there glancing round every so often, despite the fact reading felt a smidge more natural to her now. She’d been drawn in at first by Mr de Winter, charming, attractive, as well as his new wife, nervous, so obviously in love. And Aleisha couldn’t shake that ominous feeling of the past coming back to haunt them, captured by the description of that grand, overgrown, overbearing and creepy house, Manderley, a secret festering between the newlyweds.
Aleisha had jumped out of her skin earlier. A line in the story mentioned a pile of books from the library. It had haunted her; it felt as though the author had suddenly turned her gaze outward, on Aleisha.