Me: No hint.
Maria: You know this is going to drive me crazy for the rest of the day, right?
Me: Oh, I’m aware.
Maria: I can practically see you smiling through the damn phone.
Me: ;） See you after work, babe.
Maria: rolls eyes
“Are you texting, Maria?” Lexi asks just before shoving a bite of her favorite French toast into her mouth. Sarabeth’s Flat and Fluffy French Toast, to be specific. The owners named it after their daughter since it’s her favorite dish.
“Yes, Ms. Nosy. I was.”
Lex is unbothered by the nickname and shoves another bite of French toast into her mouth.
From her spot in my lap, Izzy watches on with big, intrigued eyes and reaches out to shakily bang her hands on the table. The motion practically knocks my coffee into my egg, bacon, and cheese sandwich, and a laugh jumps from my throat as I juggle her away from causing a disaster.
“I think she wants a bite of my French toast,” Lex says through a giggle and prolongs poor Izzy’s misery by shoving another big bite into her mouth. Powdered sugar covers her lips in the most adorable way, and it’s then that I notice a necklace around her petite neck.
A fucking Chanel necklace, mind you.
“What’s that, Lex?”
“What’s what?”
“The necklace,” I say and nod toward it.
She glances down and shrugs. “Maria gave it to me.”
“Maria gave you a Chanel necklace?”
What the hell?
“That’s what I said. Are you having trouble hearing?”
I’ll be honest, this is the first time I’ve ever seen Lexi wear a necklace, or any jewelry for that matter, and I’m surprised it took me this long to notice it.
“When did you start liking jewelry, Lex?”
“I’m getting close to my teenage years, Uncle Remy. It’s normal for girls my age to begin exploring fashion.”
Her teenage years. Fucking hell.
“Oh, so it’s not just jewelry, but fashion?” I feign a dramatic sigh. “This is becoming too much for your Uncle Rem. Soon you’re going to be telling me you have a boyfriend.”
“I do have a boyfriend.”
Brakes squeal to a stop inside my head. “What?”
“His name is Connor,” Lex updates like it’s no big thing. “He’s on my Mathletes team.”
But it is a big thing. A very big thing, in my opinion.
“And how long have you had this boyfriend?”
“We’ve only been going out for about a month, but that’s pretty long, considering the standard for any middle school relationship is roughly two weeks.”
“Going out? Where exactly do you go?”
“We don’t go anywhere.”
What?
“What does that even mean?” I question. “How are you ‘going out’ but you don’t go anywhere?”
Lexi rolls her eyes like I’m the biggest bore on the planet. “It’s just an expression kids use, Uncle Remy. It’s another way to say he’s my boyfriend and I’m his girlfriend.”
His girlfriend? Lexi is some kid’s girlfriend? Who is this little prick?
“And this Connor, is he a nice kid?”
Lexi shrugs. “He can compute complex physics equations in his head, Uncle Rem.”
“So, you just like him because he’s good at math?”
Okay. Okay. Maybe I can handle this…
“And he’s cute.”
Never fucking mind.
My niece thinks a boy is cute? Suddenly, my mind wants to start replaying the conversation I had with her at that Mavericks game back in October, when she was noticing the players’ asses.
“Does Wes know about this?”
“Yeah.”
“And he’s okay with it?”
“Yeah. My mom and Nick and Charlotte are too.”
I’m about ten seconds away from asking her a thousand questions. What’s Connor’s last name? How old is he? Where does this little asshole live?
But Izzy starts to get antsy in my lap, her little fists banging against the table, and I decide to save those questions for another time and just focus on not having a heart attack over the news of Lexi’s fucking boyfriend.
A boyfriend.
My little Lexi has a damn boyfriend. You couldn’t possibly also be freaking out because your preteen niece has managed to declare her intentions before you, could you?
I give Izzy her pacifier and adjust her in my lap so that she’s cradled close to my chest and try to finish up the rest of my eggs and bacon, shutting out stupid head-voices altogether.