Relief washes over her. He’s right: she can let go now.
Watching Steed restrain him, she realizes that what Caleb said was true. Family is all you have, but it isn’t found only in a blood connection. Family shows itself in the unlikeliest of moments: the split-second glances, a gesture, the hand next to yours when you need it the most.
Epilogue
Guessing it’s still raining, then?” Elin hauls herself upright in her hospital bed. Her eyes run over Anna’s damp hair, fine droplets of water caught in the hairs escaping her ponytail.
“Hasn’t stopped.” Anna smiles, too hearty and healthy-looking for the clinical surroundings in her blue hoodie and running tights.
Steed, sitting on the right of her bed, shuffles his chair closer. Reaching into his bag, he pulls out a container of grapes, passes them to her. “Thought I’d do the whole cliché grape thing. Might keep you going until lunch.”
Elin laughs, but as she takes the container, there’s a pull in her ribs. She winces.
Steed looks at her, concerned. “Still got pain?”
“Yeah, but it’s getting better. To be honest, I’m tired more than anything. The infection took it out of me. Thought I was ready to go home, then I got hit by that.”
“And the ribs? Fracture healing?”
Slipping a grape into her mouth, she nods. “Just about. I hate the whole not moving thing, but Will says it’s doing me good. Enforced relaxation.” Smiling, she looks out the window. Cars are winding past the hospital car park, making their way to the bottom of the hill.
“How are things between you and Will?” Anna asks, then casts a panicked look at Steed, clearly wondering if she’s gotten too personal in front of him. “Sorry,” she mouths.
“It’s fine. He knows all the nitty-gritty.” Elin flashes him a smile. “To be honest, we haven’t really had a chance to speak properly yet, not on that level anyway. Probably wait until I get home.”
Anna nods. “And Farrah? She’s recovered okay?”
“Physically at least, yes, she was lucky, only superficial damage, but mentally . . . I think she’s still in shock.”
“Understandable. It’ll take time to work through.” Leaning across, Anna plucks a grape from her container. “So what’s next? Still planning on the holiday?”
“Yeah. Going with Isaac. We’re heading out to the sticks for a bit. His friend has recommended a place.” Elin’s stomach dips. She’s nervous, she realizes, about seeing him. No Will this time. Just the two of them. Alone. Nowhere to hide. “The time away will do me good. Sitting in here, I’ve had time to think . . . I’ve decided I need to try to understand me a bit more.”
“Headspace?”
Elin nods. “I keep going over it, and I’ve realized that I’ve always convinced myself that what’s been driving me is some noble thing about getting answers—living life to the max because Sam couldn’t—but it’s not that.” She gives a brittle laugh. “During this case, it’s my father’s voice I’ve heard in my head, calling me a coward. That’s what’s been driving me. Trying to prove to him, other people, that I’m not.”
“And to yourself?” Anna says quietly.
“Yes, I think so, but up there on the rock, the move I made on Caleb, I reckon it’s the first time I ever made a decision just for me.” Elin hesitates, thinking about the best way to phrase it. “I’m not a coward, like Will said, for doing something I shouldn’t, or for doing nothing, like my dad made me believe. The only really cowardly thing I’ve done is not be true to myself.”
“Doing what you want,” Steed murmurs.
“Exactly. I need to get to know myself, all the good bits, but the bad bits too.” She shrugs. “I want to be sure that when I come back, I’ll do what I did up on that rock every time. Make decisions that are mine, no one else’s.”
Anna’s quiet for a moment, before nodding. “As long as you are coming back.” She looks between them, smiles. “You two—you’re the dream team.”
Steed tips his head to one side, as if considering. “Tough decision, but I think I’m okay to work with her again.”
Elin grins at him. “Seriously though, thanks, for everything. I didn’t get a chance to say it properly before.”
“S’all right. For a moment there . . .” Steed trails off.
She meets his gaze. Neither of them can begin to say it. And they don’t need to.