Bowen, I knew, was a believer in any form of healthy distraction.
“I’ll think about it.”
“You also said that you wanted to speak with the owner of the towing company?”
Speaking with AJ had become a low, if not nonexistent, priority over the last few days. It had been all I could do to hold myself together.
“I’ll do that, too,” I mumbled.
“Good,” he said. “Keep in mind that as hard as things are, it is possible to find things to enjoy and to be grateful for the opportunities that life presents.”
Bowen used that expression frequently and while I recognized how important enjoyment and gratitude were when it came to good mental health, there were times it annoyed me. Like right now.
“Any other advice you can offer?”
“Concerning what?”
“What I should do about Natalie.”
“I think,” he said slowly, “you’re handling everything as well as can be expected at the present time. But I’m wondering if it might be a good idea for me to prescribe something that will help you sleep better. Extended periods without quality sleep can greatly affect how PTSD can manifest. Do you have any thoughts on it?”
I’d used sleep aids before, along with antidepressants. I understood well the benefits they could offer, but I preferred to avoid them.
“I think I’m okay, Doc. Let’s see how it goes.”
“Let me know if you change your mind. Remember that I’m around if you feel like you need to talk before our next session.”
“Will do.”
*
Despite my conversation with Bowen, I wasn’t inclined to find things to enjoy or to look for ways to be grateful.
Instead, I continued to dwell on the situation while pacing from one end of the property to the other. I tried to reflect on what Bowen had recommended; I did my best to accept the idea that Natalie had to make the decision that was right for her. Through it all, my emotions remained leaden and I could feel the tightness in my jaw coil into an ache.
To my chagrin, Bowen had been proven right again. He was like your parents when they told you to eat your vegetables as a kid: You might not like it, but it was indisputably good for you.
I knew enough not to risk going out in public in case someone cut in front of me in line or otherwise challenged my shaky equilibrium. I was self-aware enough to understand that it was sometimes better to hunker down and avoid human contact altogether.
Which is exactly what I did.
*
In the morning, I woke feeling more irritated at myself than Natalie. Though I hadn’t slept well, I knew it was time for the four-day pity party to end. That didn’t mean I was grateful—far from it. But I’d learned over time that CBT and DBT work. In other words, I had to stay busy and knock items off my to-do list.
After my workout and breakfast, I dived into the internet, reviewing descriptions and photographs of furnished rentals in the vicinity of Johns Hopkins. Because I’d lived there before, I knew the neighborhoods well and was able to find eight different units that piqued my interest.
Thinking Bowen was also right about leaving town, I called various brokers to set up times for viewings through the end of the week. Next, I booked a hotel, then finally emailed with an orthopedic surgeon who still lived in Baltimore and agreed to meet me for dinner Saturday night. I looked into catching an Orioles game as well, but they were playing away. Instead, I reserved tickets to the National Aquarium. I could practically feel Bowen patting me on the back for a job well done.
Toward the end of the day, I called AJ’s Towing again and left a slightly different message. I told him that after my grandfather’s passing, I had inherited the truck and asked point-blank for its return. If he didn’t comply, I would assume that it was stolen and alert the appropriate law enforcement authorities. I left my phone number and address, and gave him until the following Monday to get back to me, suggesting that he contact me sooner rather than later.
Leaving such an aggressive message might not have been the wisest thing to do. People generally don’t respond well to threats, though in my current mood it nonetheless felt good to lash out at something.
*
On Wednesday, I packed a bag, tossed it in the back of the SUV, and was out the door by seven. The drive, which has a tendency to put one in a reflective mood, naturally brought Natalie to mind, making the inevitable traffic in DC a challenge in my hair-trigger state. I became convinced that certain drivers were purposely trying to annoy me.
Fortunately, and despite myself, I reached Baltimore without incident and drove to my first appointment, where the broker was waiting for me. Functional place, halfway decent building, and while it would have sufficed, that was all the excitement it generated. The decor was dated and the furnishings worn, not to mention the view from the tiny porch was of a garbage-strewn alley. It was basically the same situation with the second unit, though the view was better if one was fond of staring into the neighbor’s place and wanted to lean out the window to borrow a cup of sugar. I struck both apartments off my list.