The emotions keep rolling around in my head, heating me up and then shaking my core to the point of nausea. And Nora was there. I can’t imagine what she must think of us, of the shit show we put together. After all the fighting and bickering over the cake, that’s the only thing that showed up. I almost smile as I think about the three cakes she baked, thoughtful and wonderful just like her—and then I remember they’ve gone to waste.
“We’re going to need to talk,” Ford pushes.
Palmer picks up a piece of cheese and eats it. I sip my water, unsure of what to do other than point fingers, and I know that’s not going to help the cause.
“Fine, I’ll start,” Ford says. “I’m sorry for dropping the ball earlier—”
“I don’t think that’s what Mom and Dad want us talking about,” I interrupt.
“Okay. Since you’re the expert on Mom and Dad, then why don’t you lead the conversation?” Palmer says as she pulls her leg close to her chest, her oversize sweatshirt drowning her.
“Fine, I’ll lead the conversation.” I adjust myself in my seat. “Let’s talk about the source of the disconnect between the three of us.”
“You really think you can pinpoint that?” Palmer asks.
I nod slowly. “Yes, I can.”
Ford faces me. “What do you mean?”
“Palmer’s senior year of high school.” Palmer’s eyes fall to mine.
“Why do you say that?” she asks nervously.
“Do you remember when you were in second grade and you came home in tears because some dipshit kid told you we weren’t really your brothers?”
“Yes,” Palmer says, looking confused.
“Do you remember the conversation we had?”
Palmer gives it some thought. “Not word for word, but I remember you telling me it didn’t matter that we weren’t blood—we were connected by our souls, and nothing could break that.”
I nod and play with the napkin in front of me. “And I said that no matter what, we were never going to leave you. That night and for an entire week, Ford and I slept on the floor of your room to show you we weren’t going anywhere.”
“I remember that,” Palmer says, a small smile pulling at her lips. “That’s when Mom’s cat Otis was stuck in the room and freaked out so bad that he ended up puking on Ford.”
“I can still smell the puke,” Ford says absentmindedly.
“We made it a tradition, that we spent the night in your room every year for the first week of school. Do you remember that?”
“I do.”
“And then Ford went off to college, but it was okay, because I was still there with you. And when it was time for me to go to college, I stayed at home and commuted, so I was always there.” Palmer nods. “But your senior year, I moved in with Dealia because we were getting married.”
She looks away as she props her chin up on her good hand. I pause, waiting for her to say something as a tear streams down her face.
Finally, she takes a deep, shaky breath. “You were always so afraid Mom and Dad were going to leave you, but I was just as terrified I was going to lose my brothers—and I did.”
“But you didn’t lose us,” Ford says.
“Dude, you have to listen,” I say. “You have to listen to her feelings. Not to start a fight, but that’s one of the biggest issues you have. You scratch the surface with us; you don’t dive deep. So listen to Palmer.”
Understanding crosses his face as he nods. “Sorry. Why, uh . . . why did you feel like you were losing us?”
Palmer looks grateful for the moment to speak candidly. She takes her time, though.
“I always . . . well, I always had you two by my side, loving on me, playing with me. I know you worshipped me more than you should have—I was definitely spoiled—but you two were amazing brothers growing up. Always dealing with my annoying little-sister tendencies. But because of the age gap, you left before I was ready to say goodbye, before I was ready to give up those everyday interactions. And I know it’s not your fault, but it still gutted me. Ford, you took off, and it felt like you didn’t look back. You came home for holidays and summers, but you were different. Serious. Didn’t want to goof around, and it felt like you didn’t have time for me anymore. And Cooper, you stayed at home, and I cherished those moments with you, but they also started to dwindle, especially when you met Dealia. I felt abandoned, and it’s stupid because I know we’re all supposed to move on, but . . .”