Decided to pitch my own tent? God no, that would be alluding to the pervert thing.
Loves to sleep naked, can’t get enough of it? Uh, still slightly perverted, because who can’t keep it together for one night in their parents’ house with said assistant upstairs?
Hmm . . . spilled juice on my pants? Now this is a viable possibility, but I’m not sure if my parents have juice— “Ahhhh-choo!”
Oh . . . fuck.
Mom and Dad’s eyes widen as they glance toward the sleeping bag, where Larkin is lying as flat as can be.
Thinking quickly, I say, “Uh, pardon me.” I laugh nervously. “Gassy in the morning.”
Dad shakes his head. “Unless your asshole is a nose, that was not a fart.” He scans the living room, and his eyes land on something. From the narrowing of his eyes, what he’s staring at is most likely incriminating. “Peggy. A lady’s garment.”
Yup.
Mom gasps, and then her head whips toward me.
“You have a woman in that tent with you? While poor Larkin is upstairs? You . . . you miscreant.”
“Mom, it’s not what you think.”
“Make yourself known, woman!” Dad’s voice booms.
“Dad, that’s not necess—”
The sleeping bag shuffles, and Larkin pops her head out, shocking the pants right off my parents. I bury my head in my hands as they both take a step back. Stunned. Shocked. Aghast.
“Larkin,” Mom whispers in shock.
“I don’t believe my eyes,” Dad says in awe.
Oh God, here it comes.
My parents are good people, they really are. They took in Cooper and me when we were desperate for a family, for any kind of love. They have raised us to be the men we are today through creative parenting, thoughtful lessons, and many, many lectures.
The type of lectures that have been imprinted in my brain and are now used as guidelines as I walk through my life. Some end on a positive note, a pat on the back, a simple handshake. And the negative ones, the ones that carry the most impact, those are accompanied by disapproving eyes and obvious condemnation.
From the situation unfolding, I mentally steel myself for an onslaught of What the hell were you thinking? Have you lost your damn minds? and the classic What could you possibly gain from a decision like this?
I can feel it.
I can smell it, the scorning that’s about to unfold.
I can taste it, the stony frowns ready to erupt on my parents’ faces.
I brace myself.
Disappointment, coming my parents’ way.
“Mr. and Mrs. Chance,” Larkin says, “I’m so sorry about all of this.”
“You don’t need to apologize,” I say to her. “What happened last night was totally on me.”
“And what precisely happened last night?” Dad asks, hands on his hips, his gaze boring into me. “Blink twice if he’s holding you against your will.”
“Dad, it’s not like that. It’s . . .” I look over at Larkin, at her terrified face, and then back at my parents. Jesus Christ, I can’t find my words. How do I explain this? How do I— Out of the blue, Mom throws her head back and lets out a roar of a laugh while she clutches onto Dad. “Oh, Martin, I can’t hold it in any longer.”
Dad cracks a grin and then expels a nose-shaking snort that frankly is terrifying.
“What’s happening?” I ask, feeling like my balls have shriveled up into nothing from the pure terror pulsing through me.
Mom wipes her eyes. “Here we thought you were playing around with your . . . ding-a-ling while Larkin was upstairs, but in fact, she was the one playing with it.”
“Mom!” I say with a stern voice.
Ignoring me, Mom turns to Dad. “What a relief.”
He nods his head and wipes under his nose. “Really thought we raised a pervert for a second.”
“But it’s only just him and Larkin.”
“Only?” I ask. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Dad chuckles some more. “Surprised it took this long.”
“I know. The sexual tension has been eating me alive.” Mom clutches her heart.
Excuse me?
Dad grips Mom’s shoulder and rubs it. “We can all let out a collective breath now.”
Mom motions to my lower half and says, “Finish putting your pants on. We shall discuss this new development while enjoying some quality breakfast.”
“I’ll get started on the bacon,” Dad says, a pep in his step.
Once they disappear, I let out a long breath as Larkin lies back on her pillow. “Oh my God, Ford. I’m so sorry.”