‘He was sweet.’ I squeeze Dylan’s hand. ‘But there was never – it never really got anywhere. And it turns out sex after – what happened . . .’
My eyes are pricking again. Dylan moves a little closer, tentative, and then his arm is around me and I’m leaning against his shoulder. I laugh shakily.
‘Let’s just say it doesn’t go the way it used to.’
His arm squeezes me almost convulsively, like it hurts him to hear it. We sit for a moment. He takes a steadying breath.
‘Well, last time around we started with sex, didn’t we?’ he says. ‘So perhaps this time around we . . .’ He trails off, realising what he’s said.
I shift back so I can look at him. He’s got that tight look around the eyes that means he’s embarrassed, and I smile.
‘This time?’ I say.
‘I didn’t mean to jump the gun,’ he says. His voice is low. ‘But . . . Addie . . .’
I swallow. His hand comes up in that gesture I know so well, brushing his hair out of his eyes even though it’s too short to ever come close now.
‘Addie, will you think about it? I understand if you – but – I’ve never stopped loving you,’ he says in a rush. ‘I’ve never stopped loving you, and I really don’t think I ever will, you know, because I tried all sorts to make it go away and I’ve never been able to stop it. And I understand completely if you can’t take me back after what I did. But I so desperately want you to know that telling you I wouldn’t listen to your side of the story was the worst thing I have ever done, Addie, and the thing that I most despise about myself, and that if you give me another chance, I will never, ever walk away from you again. I’ll always listen. I’ll never turn my back on you. I swear it.’
I let it sink in. Just close my eyes and hear the words he’s saying, the shake in his voice. The way his hand clutches mine like he’ll never let me go.
‘You’d have to trust me,’ I whisper, so quiet he ducks closer to hear me. ‘And I’d have to . . . earn that.’
‘I trust you,’ he says immediately, but I shake my head.
‘I’ll show you,’ I say. ‘I’d never – what happened with Etienne – I mean, what happened before . . .’ I take a shaky, frustrated breath. ‘The flirting, the texts. It was so stupid. I think I was afraid of the power you had over me. How much I loved you, how much it hurt when you chose Marcus. Etienne was an out. Proof someone else would want me. It was . . .’
‘It was then,’ Dylan says, pulling me against him. ‘And this is now.’
I cry then, my face pressed into the stiff cotton of his collar and the warmth of his skin. He holds me, and the sensation of his arms around me is almost more than I can bear.
I shouldn’t be letting him see me like this, some part of my brain says. But I’ve come a long way in the last year. I know better than to listen to that voice.
‘I love you,’ I say through the tears. ‘I loved you even when I hated you. I loved you even when I wanted to do anything else. Dylan, I can’t . . .’ I sob into his shoulder. ‘I can’t bear it, the idea of having you, this, us . . . I couldn’t live through it if it ended again.’
He holds me even tighter. ‘Then we won’t let it.’
‘I’m not . . . I’m not the person I was,’ I tell him, my voice thick with tears. ‘I’m so different now.’
‘I am too. At least I bloody well hope I am,’ he says, making me laugh. ‘So we’ll get to know each other again. We’ll date. I’ll take you for dinner. It won’t be like last time because I’m very poor now, you know, so that’ll help.’
I’m really laughing now, and I sit back, because I’m in danger of getting snot on his tuxedo. Dylan pulls off the napkin we wrapped around a few truffles for Rodney and hands it to me. I take it gratefully.
‘Can you hear someone talking?’ Dylan says, cocking his head.
I pause. He’s right: there’s a quiet voice coming from inside the bridal preparation chamber. I stand, moving towards the door to hear better.
‘Though the sea, with waves continual, does eat the earth . . .’
Dylan comes to stand beside me, a smile growing on his face.
‘What?’ I whisper.
‘It’s the audiobook,’ Dylan whispers back. ‘Marcus chose him the worst book he could think of.’
‘What’s that?’