Chapter 32
Rae Lynn
Eventually the hard knot of fear centered within her turned soft, yielding to the ease of life at the farmhouse. What never changed were her memories of Warren. As persistent as the heat, as constant as time, her thoughts, the good and the bad, were always there. Her final moment with him was still so vivid, she expected anyone who happened by to suddenly look at her in horror, as if she’d somehow projected an image for them to see. She felt bad for not handling Sudie May’s questions very well in the garden the week before, and she was pretty sure she appeared like she was hiding something. While she realized how her behavior might seem, she couldn’t very well blurt out the truth. Aside from Cornelia, only she herself understood the story from beginning to end. No matter how often she justified to herself what she’d done, to her mind, it would portray her in a different light. They would think the worst of her. She already struggled with it, herself.
She’d seen Del and his sister having a long conversation that day, turning their heads her way every so often. Maybe they were thinking, given her lack of answers to the questions, she was trouble and would bring trouble to them. What was starting to complicate matters was she really liked it here, enjoyed Del’s family and the spacious house. She loved the stained hardwood floors, the wood darkened to the color of molasses with different styled scatter rugs placed here and there. She and Cornelia each had a room with a soft bed. Rae Lynn admired the furnishings in hers: a night table with a lantern by the bed; a soft, lovely tufted chair by one of the windows; a chest of drawers; and another smaller table with a little upholstered stool. That table held a wash bowl, a pitcher, always filled with cool spring water, a hair brush, and a handheld mirror. She liked the print wallpaper running throughout the house, and Del had told her one day in passing his mother had chosen it and had called it her “inside garden.” It wasn’t that they had money, or the house was all that refined. Matter of fact, it was dilapidated in some areas, needed a new porch rail and a good paint job.
None of this mattered when it came right down to it. What mattered was it held the sense of a real home, the graciousness of those living here, their generosity and good will. Rae Lynn had taken to sitting in the chair at one of the windows first thing in the mornings, a slight breeze coming through, the white sheers hung on each side waving about. Such peace, she thought, as she sat with her arms folded on the sill, gazing out, listening to birdsong. Their days were filled with good, hard work, and after supper in the evenings, everyone went out on the large wraparound porch, sat in the rockers, fanning themselves, while Norma and Joey played in the yard. She felt guilty for enjoying these moments. She didn’t really want to leave now she was here, and did she dare admit, a tiny bit happy at times? A deal was a deal, however. She and Cornelia said it was only for a short time, and for all they knew, Del, his sister, and Amos were too polite to ask them to move on.
One morning, soon after she’d come to the conclusion they needed to think about what they were going to do, she went to find Cornelia to talk about how they might be overstaying their welcome. She found her hanging clothes on the clothesline at the backside of the house. Norma was with her, handing her clothespins as she needed them and chattering a mile a minute. Rae Lyn leaned against one of the wooden posts. Norma grinned at her, revealing the gap from her two front teeth missing, freckles like her mother’s dusting her nose and cheeks. Cornelia reached for a wet shirt and smiled at her too.
“Hey, Rae Lynn.”
“Hey.”
Cornelia had shaved off the rest of her hair after they’d been there for a couple days. There was no more tar left, and the burns on her face were healing. She wore bright kerchiefs around her head, sometimes along with the hat Rae Lynn let her use. Her cheeks were pink from the heat, but her eyes were clear and shiny with happiness. She no longer held herself like she was expecting to be yelled at or hit. She moved about the house and yard relaxed and easygoing. Rae Lynn could see being here was as good for Cornelia as it had been for her, but the simple fact of the matter was, they couldn’t take advantage of this family’s kindness.
Rae Lynn said, “Norma, would you mind checking with your mama to see if she needs anything out of the garden?”
Norma said, “Yes ma’am.”
She took off running toward the house, yelling, “Mama!” while Rae Lynn took over handing out the clothespins. It was the time of year when the buzz of the cicadas began to dwindle, their summertime symphony coming to an end. The surroundings were quieter without the vibrant hum of their song. Cornelia finished hanging the clothes and stood with her arms folded against her waist, face lifted to the sun, the burn scars patches of pink against tanned skin.