‘Unlike you,’ I said. ‘You can walk away from anything, anyone, and leave them behind. You’re all the same, you Taylors, you move on when you don’t like the view.’
‘Well it’s a good job we’re parting and you don’t have to put up with us any more. You won’t be a Taylor either – bet you’re glad about that.’
‘Did you know that Carmel took her own life?’ I said, ignoring his childish comments.
‘I heard… something,’ he muttered, going back to his broccoli.
‘You never mentioned it.’
‘Why would I? It was years ago, why would I bring it up?’
‘How did you hear… that she died?’
‘I don’t know – someone called me, found my name and number in her phone.’
‘Who?’
‘God, Clare!’ His face was red with anger or something.
‘Please, it’s important. Was it her sister who called you?’
‘It might have been… yes, yes, I think it probably was.’
‘Ella?’
‘What the hell are you going on about?’
‘Did her sister say it was your fault?’
He shrugged. ‘Her sister screamed down the phone at me, called me a murderer – I just turned off the phone, you can’t deal with people like that.’
‘Well, you can, if you have any compassion, or any sense of responsibility – but you don’t, do you?’
‘It was nothing to do with me!’ he said, his voice raised, anger bubbling just under the surface.
‘It had everything to do with you,’ I said.
Abandoning his supper, he stood up and walked to the other side of the kitchen and leaned on the countertop, as far away from me as possible. ‘I told you, it wasn’t my fault. You know what she was like, stalking me, calling at all hours, she drove me to distraction!’
‘Then she called you at home and I answered. We never heard from her again.’
‘Good.’
‘No, not “good”。 She was devastated. A young woman you’d promised everything to killed herself because of you – because of us. And it’s about time you knew this. Ella was her sister.’
He seemed genuinely shocked; he walked back to the table and plonked himself down on the chair. ‘Carmel and Ella – sisters?’
I nodded. ‘You really didn’t know?’
‘I swear I didn’t.’
I wasn’t sure I believed him. Wasn’t sure I could ever believe anything he said ever again.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Over the next couple of days I kept thinking about Ella and Carmel, and felt the need to reach out to their parents. I wanted to acknowledge their daughter’s death and recognise that a year had now passed since they lost her. Now time had moved on, I hoped it might help them to talk to someone who was there during her last few days.
I got their number from Jamie. I didn’t think it worth telling him everything just yet; he’d already had his heart broken and was doubting she had loved him at all. This information about her sister that Dan and I had buried would confirm all his fears, that Ella was with him for reasons other than love.
So I called Mrs Bailey, who seemed almost pleased to hear from me. ‘Call me Sheila,’ she said, and asked so many questions about what happened on the day.
‘Jamie told us you tried really hard to bring her back, love – me and Robert are very grateful,’ she said.
I felt like a fraud; we’d been enemies in life, and yet Ella’s death changed all that for me. It had taken me a year to come to terms with what happened, to understand why she did what she did – and how she was a victim too.
Sheila went on to talk me through both her daughters’ lives, and I listened, then asked all the relevant questions gently. This was definitely the same Carmel who Dan promised everything to; she was young, fragile and her heart and mind was broken.
‘Our Ella never got over losing her sister,’ Sheila sighed. ‘She threatened to go round to his house and kill him. Me and Robert managed to convince her that wasn’t the way. But she lived with all that grief and anger inside her, and it was inevitable, I suppose.’
‘Do you know the man, the name of the man that Carmel was with?’ I asked, holding my breath.
‘No, she never told us. I think Ella knew, but we never asked. I think it best we don’t know.’
I did too. What I’d said to Carmel when she called our home was from Joy’s script, but I take full responsibility. I told her I was pregnant and we were happy – when in truth, I’d never been so unhappy, and the baby probably wasn’t even Dan’s. What lies I told her that day, setting off a chain reaction that had led to the death of two sisters. Sisters who would have had their whole lives ahead of them if it wasn’t for the Taylors – and me.