So I bought it, deciding it wasn’t worth losing a marriage, splitting a family, for a silly mistake. Besides, I had my own problems by then, and I didn’t want anyone discovering what I’d been hiding, so accepted what had happened and tried to make my marriage work.
But it wasn’t plain sailing. There’d been some calls to our landline at home, and when I picked up, nothing, just silence, it was really creepy. I couldn’t be sure, but I assumed it was Carmel trying to make contact with Dan; he said to ignore it but I found it quite distressing. One day when Joy had popped round to see the children the phone rang and again I was greeted with silence. By now I was so freaked out by this, I wanted to cry.
Joy saw the way I was. ‘Is it her?’ she asked quietly.
I nodded.
‘Tell her you know about her, he’s told you she’s nothing – and you’re pregnant.’
‘I know everything,’ I repeated, trying not to let her hear the tears in my voice, while my heart beat out of my chest. ‘Dan’s told me you meant nothing.’
Joy was silently urging me on, smiling, her hand on my arm.
‘I’m pregnant with our third child,’ I added, trying to compose myself.
There was a slight noise on the other end, it sounded like crying. I put the phone on speaker so Joy could hear.
‘He told me he was single… I didn’t know he was married,’ she said then through tears.
‘Tell her she’s a stupid little girl… tell her to go away and he doesn’t care, never has,’ Joy was whispering at my side. ‘Threaten her with the police.’
‘Go away, you stupid little girl,’ I repeated. ‘And if you don’t stop this now, we’ll go to the police and report you for harassment,’ I added, then slammed down the phone.
God bless Joy. She was on my side and wanted my marriage to work as much as I did and, what’s more, was prepared to get rid of anything that might endanger that. After that incident with the first girl, Joy had said, ‘Don’t let Dan’s midlife blip ruin everything.’ She was right, of course, so in the same spirit of onward and upward, I was now here, trying to make good out of the second, more recent affair. But, in truth, it had been agony, and in the weeks after I found out, I became very anxious. I imagined them together in the office, having secret trysts over lunch, and if he was late home, my anxiety was through the roof.
After the failed date nights, the anxiety and dealing with my own issues, I felt like there was nothing else for it but to give up. Surely life didn’t have to be this hard? I told Dan I wanted a divorce, I couldn’t do this any more. Dan told his parents – there were times when I felt like he couldn’t do anything without his mother’s support or approval – and Joy was round in a matter of minutes.
‘Don’t try to talk me out of this, Joy,’ I’d said. ‘I’m taking the kids – that’s it, I’ve had enough, I can’t live like this. He may have finished with her, but she’s still in our marriage.’
‘Sweetie, that’s nonsense,’ she’d sighed. I remember she was holding both my hands in hers, while desperately trying to downplay my husband’s treachery. ‘I know you’re hurt, but this isn’t just about you, and how it makes you feel – think of the children. Family is what’s important, Clare,’ she’d said. I remember seeing tears in her eyes, and it occurred to me that in the ten years I’d known her, I’d never seen Joy cry. Even on our wedding day. ‘If you left this family… Well.’ She’d sniffed and turned her face away. ‘For me and Bob, you’re the daughter we never had. It would be terrible, for all of us. We’d be ripped apart. Children need their mother.’ At the time, I’d felt so lost, so alone since finding out about Dan’s affair, my friends told me I was stupid for staying, that I should get out, but here was Joy telling me I had a family, and I was so bloody grateful. But since then I’ve wondered, was this a threat of excommunication from the Taylors’ inner sanctum? Was Joy suggesting that by leaving Dan I’d be saying goodbye to everyone… even my children?
‘I can’t forgive him while Marilyn’s still in his orbit,’ I’d said to Joy, who nodded and poured more gin.
‘Don’t worry about Marilyn,’ she said.
I don’t know exactly what happened, but the next day Marilyn left Taylor’s. Even in my anger, I felt guilty that someone might have lost their job, but I didn’t want details of Marilyn’s departure. I was just happy at the speed with which she was dispatched. It reminded me how fiercely loyal Joy could be – especially when it concerned one of her family. I remember thinking, I wouldn’t want to ever make an enemy of my motherin-law.