‘Muummy.’ Thud, thud. Freddie now screaming with tiredness and temper. ‘You promised.’ Violet’s foot hitting the wooden leg of the lounger. Thud, thud, thud… going through me like a heartbeat.
‘Violet, STOP THAT NOW!’ I yelled, surprising them, and myself.
For a moment, we all looked at each other, then Violet’s little chin began quivering, and she stormed off. I shouldn’t have shouted. They were kids on holiday and they wanted to have fun – they weren’t being naughty. I’d just stopped their fun, because I wanted them away from Ella.
‘Violet, Violet, come back,’ I called, but I couldn’t stop her because I couldn’t abandon the other two, who were now both sobbing.
‘They’re tired,’ I said to Dan, who had opened his eyes with the specific purpose of looking at me accusingly.
‘No, we’re not tired, Mummy, you’re mean!’ said my four-year-old.
‘Out of the mouths of babes…’ Dan murmured, turning around and pretending to sleep.
‘Oh fuck off, Dan,’ I hissed under my breath, but Alfie must have heard. He dramatically put two pudgy hands to his mouth, his eyes wide. I was horrified. ‘Sorry… Alfie, Mummy shouldn’t have…’
But my gregarious son needed an audience for this. We’d taught him to disapprove when other children said naughty words, so why not when mummies did too?
‘Granny, Granny, Mummy just used a swear,’ he yelled across the pool to Joy, who abandoned A Woman of Substance to half-heartedly attend to what I’m sure she viewed as this latest Clare-induced crisis.
‘Oh Alfie, I’m sure mummy didn’t,’ she said, smiling, while balancing Barbara Taylor Bradford on her knees.
But my little boy was keen to make sure Granny was furnished with the full facts of Mummy’s naughtiness, and he ran over and whispered something in her ear. Which, from the way Joy’s face drained of colour, was the f-word. But I didn’t have time to deal with her reaction because Violet was now sitting with Jamie and Ella, in tears, Ella’s arm around her, comforting her after the vile telling-off she’d just had from her evil mother. I didn’t know which way to turn, but just when I thought my children’s betrayal was done, I spotted Freddie making his way towards them too, and he was soon enjoying a comforting cuddle from his Uncle Jamie – who might really be his dad.
I felt absolutely wretched – there was only one thing worse than Dan being pissed off with me, and that was my kids being pissed off with me. I looked over at Dan, who was now lying flat out, eyes still closed. He’d obviously decided to step away; he couldn’t possibly be asleep with the noise of children sobbing around the pool.
I gazed over at Joy, comforting Alfie, Jamie and Ella trying to console the other two. Even Bob was joining in, getting up from his sunlounger and pretending to trip to make Alfie laugh. The fact was, the whole family were now attempting to repair the damage I’d done, or at least the damage they could see I’d done. But they were making things worse, validating the children’s sense of injustice. Then I had an idea, and got up from the lounger and called to them all.
‘Hey, look, I’m sorry guys, but it was time to come out of the pool, and, Violet, I didn’t mean to shout. How about we go to the little shop down the road for ice cream?’
Alfie, who was nearest to me, looked up, and I saw a flurry of activity from Violet and Freddie, who didn’t understand the concept of bearing a grudge, and was soon on wobbly feet, ready to join me. But, in the corner of my eye, I saw Ella whisper something to Violet, and Violet nodding vigorously.
‘Hey, Clare, why don’t me and Jamie take the kids for ice cream?’ It was one of Ella’s questions that wasn’t a question – more a statement of intent.
‘Yay!’ Violet squealed, like she’d only just been made aware of this, when I was sure Ella had just whispered the suggestion to her. She might only be nine, but it seemed Ella wasn’t afraid to use her against me.
‘No it’s fine, but thanks, Ella,’ I called back assertively while forcing a smile. ‘I’ll take them.’
‘Nonsense,’ Ella said, getting up from her lounger, taking Violet’s hand. ‘You’re obviously very tired, that’s why you lost your temper.’ Bitch. ‘You need some time to yourself without the kids, they were clearly getting on your nerves. Let’s be kind to Mum and take the boys so she can have a rest, we don’t want her getting upset again, do we?’ she said to Violet, who sensed the awkwardness and looked from me to her. I hated to see my little girl in this dilemma and smiled reassuringly. ‘Anyway,’ she added, as Jamie stood up and lifted Freddie onto his hip, ‘me and Jamie would love to spend time with them.’