Daddy James told me that the universe crunched the numbers and made me what I am. It knew what I was long before I did.
I was fifteen when I started to question everything Daddy James told me about myself and my mother. I didn’t believe in his speeches about the right and might of the Saviours anymore. I tried to get away from him. The second that I could, I went to the other side of the world. But Daddy James wouldn’t let go. He stopped the money that Mom was sending and had Brother Wilson watch over me. Brother Wilson forced drugs on me, forced me to sign up for escort websites. It was punishment from Daddy James for leaving home and trying to strike out on my own. And if I kept doing the wrong thing and the monastery had to kill me, then there would be a trail of things that would make the police and public less sympathetic about the task of finding me. People tended to shrug when drug-addicted sex workers went missing.
If I didn’t do as I was told, then something bad might happen to Mom. He never said what. But he didn’t need to. I already knew too well about the bad things that the Saviours did.
And then I was forced to make contact with Evie Harlow. I knew from that second what their plans for her were. But I didn’t know how to stop it. I didn’t know how to make it end. But it was Evie who changed everything for me. When I saw her here on her first morning, I finally understood how wrong everything about the monastery was.
Daddy James already knew I was in mental turmoil. He forced me to take part in the challenges just so that the Saviours could keep an eye on me. I had a knife with me in the bed the night that Evie was first brought to the dormitory. I wanted to cut everyone’s throats while they slept so that they’d never know the truth about the monastery. They’d die happy. But Saviours were keeping watch behind the walls.
I ran now through the hidden passages, away from the remembrance hall. Would Daddy James be explaining to my mother all the secrets we’d been keeping from her? I never wanted her to know. He promised me that if I did all he asked, she would never know.
My eyes burned with tears I couldn’t cry.
I’d followed Mom all the way through the tunnels, scarcely believing that she’d come all the way here, straight into the nest of the Saviours, to find me.
71. Gray
TWENTY MINUTES EARLIER
A GROUP OF SAVIOURS WAS HEADING our way.
The four of us were about to get caught in the dormitory. Jennifer swiftly pulled Constance back through the doorway. Sethi and I were on the other side of the room, like deer caught in headlights. No time and no room to hide.
I spun on my heel. I’d seen a rack of the gowns that the Saviours wore a few seconds ago. I grabbed two gowns, tossing one to Sethi and throwing the other one on. I pulled the hood down over my forehead and picked up an open bottle of wine from a table. Sethi followed my lead. I sweated bullets as we walked towards the exit of the room, drinking bottles of wine.
They’ll slaughter us without hesitation if they find out we’re not one of them.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” one of them called roughly.
Sethi merely raised a full bottle of wine by way of explanation.
“That’s Brother Harrington’s,” said a thick, red-bearded man. “The ‘92 vintage. Special treat from Sage.”
Sethi shrugged, making a dismissive sound.
The man laughed. “Can’t wait to see his whiny face. He hasn’t stopped whining since he got hurt in the challenges.”
The Saviours brushed past, laughing to themselves but without any more interest in us.
“Lucky,” I said under my breath as Sethi and I continued down the passage. The room had been dim, and we’d managed to conceal our faces.
“Here.” Sethi indicated towards a set of stairs. “We’ll wait here until they go. We need those backpacks.”
At least five minutes passed before the Saviours left, and then we retrieved all four backpacks. Sethi stalled for a moment, and I could guess that he was hoping that Jennifer and Constance would meet us back here. We went back into the passages, searching for them.
Sethi’s voice hoarsened and cracked as we rounded another corner. “I managed this badly, my friend. Wherever they are, we’ve gone the wrong way. I don’t know if we’re going to find them before someone else does.”
I swallowed. “Maybe they couldn’t come back. Or maybe they’ve gone to find the cellar.”
“I think that’s our only way forward now,” he agreed, but a twinge of uncertainty remained in his words.
We ran now, keeping an eye on our location through the peepholes we’d found in the walls. We found hidden doors, too—the exits marked with tiles set into the floor. I missed them until Sethi pointed them out. My mind was raging, set only on getting to Evie.