He was silent for a long time.
“Tommy?”
“Dammit, you’re too good to walk away. But I get it.” He took a deep breath. “I miss you here.” He cleared his throat. “The team misses you.”
I miss you, too. But she didn’t say it. He’d been there for her after Chase, after her marriage fell apart, and they might have been able to have something if she wasn’t so damn broken and grieving. Now…whatever might have been was gone.
But he was a friend. A good friend.
“You staying there? In Flagstaff?”
“I’m not making any long-term decisions right now.”
“But you are.”
“Yes.”
“What are you going to do?”
“My dad thinks I should get my PI license. One of his former deputies runs a security company, and they hire mostly former law enforcement. I’m thinking about it.” She really hadn’t, not more than once or twice, but it was the only option she thought was viable.
“It’s a good idea. And you’re staying with him?”
“For now. I’ll probably get my own place, but I don’t think either of us are in a rush. And until I have a steady income, I should probably be frugal with my living expenses.”
“I saw that you sold the house.”
“I have money from it. Good money. Might be enough to buy a condo.”
He laughed, and that somehow made her feel better. “A condo? Regan Merritt in a condo? Never happen.”
Now she laughed. “You’re right. Maybe I’ll buy a tent and live in the mountains.”
“Don’t go that far. Where will I sleep when I visit?”
Her heart skipped a beat. They had never talked directly about their mutual attraction. She knew he had feelings for her. She was pretty certain he knew how she felt. But they didn’t talk about it. Ever.
“Okay, I’ll get a real house.”
“Good.”
“I…” How did she tell him goodbye? For good? “Be safe out there, Tommy.”
“You, too, Regan.”
She ended the call before either of them said the one thing they had avoided all these years. She harbored no illusions that she and Tommy would ever be together. The time had passed, and it had never really been an option. A relationship born out of pain and grief couldn’t last.
But, she realized, it was okay. She felt a burden lift off her chest that avoiding Tommy was over. That she could call him, and maybe they could reclaim the friendship they’d had before they’d started dancing around their feelings.
It gave her hope.
Twenty
Professor Clarkson had office hours from three to six today, but it was nearly seven o’clock when Lucas arrived. Clarkson was at his desk, reading term papers. He was old-fashioned; while the school required that all homework be submitted online, the professor printed out his students’ essays and wrote in their margins, returning the hard copy. People called him a dinosaur, but Lucas found him to be one of the most interesting of all his teachers. He’d been a criminal-defense lawyer, worked on several high-profile cases, and wrote a book about how the system failed both the guilty and the innocent. In the end, it was the best system of justice yet devised, and they only needed to work harder to make it work for everyone. Lucas had read the book twice.
He wanted that. He wanted to be that pillar of truth that Clarkson often talked about.
He knocked on the open door. “Sorry I’m stopping by after office hours,” he said.
Clarkson looked up. “Nonsense. Come in, Lucas. It’s not like I have anywhere else to be. Sit down, please.”
Lucas was pretty sure that wasn’t true. While the prof wasn’t married—Lucas heard through the grapevine that his wife had died in an accident a long time ago, and his only daughter was a corporate lawyer in California—Clarkson had many friends. And even though students called him old-fashioned, he was one of the most popular professors in the criminal justice department.
Lucas didn’t know what to say. He knew what he wanted to say, but he didn’t know how to talk about it. His friends either thought he was crazy for doing the podcast or thought it was a cool idea and had a hundred ways to help him—most of which were over the top. Lizzy had been a rock, but he’d complained to her far too much, and she had to be getting tired of it. Troy, his roommate, was a good person to talk to, but since he’d met Denise, Lucas thought he now only half listened to him.
So that left Professor Clarkson. Lucas hoped he didn’t mind, but he trusted Clarkson more than anyone.